French pal as well right here - no worries for your english, you’re totally fine.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with Bouveret syndrome. I can’t imagine the stress that comes with living with this, but I can surely understand this fear of being a laboratory rat because of medications. I had and still have my share of health issues and have to take several treatments everyday that I can’t stop. I’ve often been worried about secondary effects in the long run and just wanted to throw all the pills away, so many times. Know that you are not alone, friend, and you’re certainly not weird for going through those feelings.
As much as I can’t respond specifically to your questions in relation to Bouveret syndrome, I can assure you that you are not the only person who called emergencies because of their anxiety and because they felt like they were having a heart attack. And in your situation, it makes even more sense to be worried about it. My sister had to do call emergencies multiple times when she was having some intense panic attacks. She often felt very embarassed when doctors told her that she was fine. But they also understand the struggle. It’s still a good reaction that you have. But indeed, this “what if…” thought that creates a lot of doubt in your mind can be very strong sometimes.
Your thoughts make sense, friend. Having to live with a medical condition raises maybe questions and fears. I’m really sorry that it’s affecting your life in many ways and prevent you to do the things you want. I hear that you tried meditation - which, I understand, is something that many people recommend, but it’s still not for everyone -, but did you have the possibility to talk about it to your doctor, so they could recommend you something else? It’s just a personal opinion, but it sounds to me that you could benefit from a therapy that would help you to manage your anxiety, as it’s been very present in your life.
A therapist could help you to find coping mechanisms that would help you, also to have a place where you could share your thoughts, fears and concerns, just your experience regarding your health in general. It could help you to reduce this anxiety in the long run and having practical ways to deal with moments of crisis. When you are facing something stressful in your life, it’s totally okay to receive some extra-support in order to find some peace again. It can be tough to do it only by ourselves sometimes, especially when it’s about something we can’t really control but have to learn to live with. <3
I’m sending hugs your way. I hope you’ll have a good day today. Thank you for sharing all of this with us. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.