Hey everyone, I just want to put it out there that I’ve been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety, Bipolar disorder, Major depression, and Binge Eating. Now with that being said it’s very tuff. It can make me feel really lonely and kind of like an outcast. It’s definitely extremely hard for me to socialize which sucks because I definitely want to I just find it really difficult to do so. The anxiety and the depression play a huge part in that. I’m too anxious to put myself in situations where I can get to know someone or I’m just too depressed and glued to my bed for days. I’m 21 and I’m really ready for a long term serious relationship but it’s just hard to meet anyone because of the problems listed above. It sometimes makes me feel like I’m going to be single for the rest of my life which is depressing in itself. Also with the binge eating I can at times have poor body image and I just feel icky about myself. I used to starve myself and was very underweight and now I binge and I’m overweight so I just want to find a happy medium but I’m always hungry and thinking of food consumes me all day everyday. If I’m not eating I’m thinking about food. I never feel like exercising so it just makes me feel even more sluggish. Bipolar makes me feel like an outcast, I try to hide it most often because I don’t want people treating me a certain way. I’ve never reached full mania but I have been hypomanic and I’ve been in the depressive stage. I often think that if I did get lucky enough to have a great guy in my life he probably would get sick of all my diagnosis and won’t want to deal with me. I know that I’m a great person, I love helping others, I’m caring and have so much to give but I just feel like no one wants to take the time to get to know me. But then again how do I even give someone that opportunity.?? I don’t even come out my room unless it’s to go to class and then I’m just too anxious to look or talk to anyone. It sucks. It really does. I try not to be sad or jealous when my friends all around me are dating and happy and I’m just lonely and sad. Not to say that a man can make me happy but I don’t know. Sometimes, maybe a good man can get you to a happy place. I have a huge crush on a friend on mine but I just feel like he would never be interested in that way. He’s also “skinnier” than I am and it kind of makes me insecure, like I’m not worth him even liking me or I feel the pressure to be smaller. That’s another thought that I’ve been having that if a guy I could remotely be interested in is thinner than I am then they wouldn’t even be interested in me. I find myself praying to god that he’ll send me a good man. Someone who will love me and treat me good and love me for me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I think like this but… i don’t know. Just kind of a vent session.
Hey, Kate. I know it’s hard that you’re going through this. I’m sure that God has the perfect man for you. The man that will love you for who you are. I want to share a video with you https://youtu.be/TNpXDDKomT0 God bless you!
Hi @Kate6,
Thank you. Thank you for being here and sharing all of this. It’s really brave to do that. It takes courage, humility and for what it’s worth from someone you don’t know, I’m really proud and honored to read what you just shared with us.
Anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression and binge eating are some heavy things to deal with. And as I don’t know how you felt when you learned about all of this, I just want you to know that none of this makes you weird or out of this world. It’s some obstacles that happen to be in your life but it’s not defining you as a person. As you mentioned being diagnosed, I guess you’re receiving professional help, which is really a good thing. Because unfortunately, anxiety/depression/binge eating and bipolar can be intertwined and it makes it more complex to understand what’s going on. Just don’t forget that it’s not a dead end and you’ll manage to heal through all of this. Bipolar may need for you to take medications and adapt your daily life, but it’s possible to live with it. Beside this, depression, binge eating and anxiety are actually things you can work on end even heal. 
It makes sense to feel like you’re an outcast because of bipolar disorder. I can be hard for a lot of people to understand what it is to actually live with this, and for you to be understood. But I promise you there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I can only talk from an outside experience, as my mom has bipolar disorder with some pretty high differences between maniac and depressive stages. Something I learned from her situation is that despite bipolar you can actually have a relationship with someone and have people who keep caring about you, no matter what. My parents have always been together, since they were young adults. And even if they’ve been through some really difficult seasons in their life, some because of bipolar itself, well they’re still together now. It’s been for more than 30 years. And having this example of unconditional love between them has always been inspiring. It wasn’t always easy but yet she is still loved.
It’s understandable to be worried that no one would want to live with you and handle this with you. And it’s healthy to share about those fears. But I guess what I’m trying to say by sharing this is that your fears can’t tell what your future is going to be. And having a relationship while you have bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety or eating disorders isn’t impossible. I don’t have bipolar, but I can relate to the other things you mentioned. And despite all of this, I’ve been married for several years. Yes, it requires honesty, patience and a clear communication. It certainly requires to take more precautions than in a relationship between partners who doesn’t deal with all of this. But it’s possible! Yes, there are moments when we can’t help but thinking that life is only about leading a constant fight. But it’s not. It’s really not.
You’ll certainly need to understand progressively how you function, how you react, how you feel, what are your coping mechanisms, etc. and also having a better understanding of depression, bipolar, anxiety and eating disorders. There are general mechanisms in all of this which you can certainly relate too. But it will always remain something personal and also related to the environment you’re living in, to who you are, what you want… It takes time to know yourself. It’s a day to day journey. But everyday you’re growing even more and you’re getting stronger. Even when it feels like you’re failing or relapsing or anything, you are actually growing and learning something. You’re young, you’re already aware of a lot of things that are happening in your life right now and it’s a huge, huge strength. Really.
No matter which diagnosis you can receive in your life, it doesn’t make you unlovable nor worthless. If someone rejects you because of this, I’ve gotta say it’s their loss. Please be kind to yourself. I’ve been through this kind of rejection recently, because of a sickness I never asked for, not even a mental health issue. And I won’t lie it still hurts like hell. But I could have diminish this pain if I didn’t blame myself and thought I was guillty for this. It’s hard not to think that you’re at fault for being sick or in struggle. But truth is it’s not your fault. You just happen to have to deal with this. So be it. We can do our best to make things easier for everyone. But in the end we can’t control others decisions, even from those who are closest to us.
There is hope, friend. And those diagnosis are not cancelling the possiblity for you to find someone to share your life with. It’s not about the way you look either. Love goes beyond this, really. Of course you’ll need to learn to take care of you first and to regain some self-confidence. But you can absolutely do this. You’ll get there. We believe in you here.
Thank you so much! That was a great video! I appreciate you for sharing it with me! God bless you as well!
Hi friend,
You know, going through all of that is hard. I can totally understand and relate. I spent many years feeling this way and had a hard time connecting to people. Whether it was depression, anxiety or my autism which often makes me feel set apart and different. I’ve also been in the stages of binge eating, being overweight and struggling with self image. I’ve fought that fight of feeling like I’ll always be alone. Both in relationships and friendships.
I hear you.
I have found that routine helps. But I know routine is hard when you’re feeling depressed and under motivated. Which has been my current battle these last several months after losing my health insurance and therapist. I had to start finding ways to help myself in these areas without the aid of a therapist. However, my time with my therapist got me that boost I needed.
If you have the ability to, a therapist can really help you find a method and process that can work for you. In helping you find a routine for yourself. I spoke to a nutritionist at one point and that helped a LOT! Can you ask your doctor to refer you to one? You can go over a healthy eating plan for yourself and deeply talk about what your diet can do for you. It can be super encouraging!
If you do that plus talk to a therapist you may find yourself feeling so much better. They can help you find ways to feel more confident in yourself and get more on track with the things you struggle with.
I also have bipolar and understand the struggles that can come with it. Some days it’s harder than others to find that balance. But there are a lot of people here who care.
My DM are open to you my friend. I’m 34 and know I am older than a lot of people here. But I don’t care how old you are. I’m willing to listen and be a friend. I can’t solve anyone’s problems, but I can relate, offer friendships and understanding of you need that safe space.
I hope the best for you my friend. I hope you find peace and healing. Stay strong
- Kitty
Thank you so much for taking the time to say kind and thoughtful words! I really appreciate this! I am super grateful that I was able to read all these kinds words and that you found yourself kind enough to respond!
Thank you so much!!! I do see a therapist but never a nutritionist, which actually seems like a good idea! Thank you for sharing about yourself as well! Some days are definitely better than others so I try to hold onto that but again just thank you so much for responding! Hope all is well!
I greatly encourage you to consider the nutritionist. It may sound scary but it seriously can be so helpful. They can answer a lot of our questions and help you have better understanding of your body and what you are eating.
They can give you plans, recipes, and guidance. For me…I was so terrified and almost wanted to bail. But once I went my partner and I were so happy because we walked away informed and it felt good.
So I hope maybe this is something you can try.
Much love
That’s great! Thank you!! I will look into it. My therapist helps me with it with like mindful eating but I slip up here and there.
Hey, that’s okay. I slip up too sometimes. Just don’t beat yourself up too much when you do. We just gotta pick ourselves up and try again.
Each day is a new day and a new attempt.
I’m glad that it was helpful! All glory to God!
Bi-Polar sucks (I know, because I’ve had it for 32 years!) but, it you also have Chronic Fatigue, you may have been suffering from Sleep Apn(o)ea.
Thanks so much for your reply! I’ll look into that!