So here’s the thing, I have bipolar disorder and I’ve been medicated in the past and nothing works for me. I do have therapy which helps some but these episodes where I have this burst of anger and rage really frustrates me. I don’t know if anyone else with bipolar disorder experience this or even if you don’t have bipolar but it’s like when I get angry about something, usually my family because they know how to press my buttons. I don’t know what comes over me but I start crying because my body feels completely out of control I want to break, throw, destroy and curse everyone out. I’m 22 years old and I know that’s not how “adults” act and function in the real world but it almost feels as if I’m in a child like state throwing a temper tantrum when I have an episode. Last month I destroyed one of my art pieces and guitar because I got so angry and I was really sad once I came to my senses the next day. It’s really hard to describe and sorry if I’m rambling but I just feel out of control when it comes to my anger. It goes from 0 to 1000 in the blink of an eye and I just can’t control my mood. This time I had one today and I can see I made some progress because usually I’ll want to kill myself but I didn’t have any suicidal feelings so I guess that’s good but overall It’s so frustrating. I hate my family, they make fun of me when I get angry and call me crazy and laugh at me. This sends me over even more, I know I’m not acting rationally sometimes but something just comes over me and I can’t control it. I try to exercise, paint and listen to music to calm down but nothing really works. Does anyone else struggle with this or anything similar?
I’m manic. I stay up for days and get no sleep. I have really highs and very lows. It’s good you are not suicidal. I use to have alot of rage and I couldn’t control the rage I put holes in the wall with crowbar when I was 23. Medication doesn’t help me but it helps me be not schizophrenia. I’m on paliperidone. I think getting older I calmed down with anger and so much rage. I’m 49 now and I was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was 36.
I’m the same with sleep. Most of the time it’s when I have this really great idea and I have to stay up to do art or something. Sometimes I feel like my mind never shuts off and when it does I’m extremely tired and depressed and can’t get out the bed. So the anger and rage just went away with time? Or did you try anything that helped? Sometimes I feel like a ticking time bomb and everyone’s just waiting for me to go off or doing something to tick me off. I don’t have schizophrenia but for bipolar and rapid cycling I took vraylar and it was the worst thing I’d ever taken and nothing else really worked so I just stopped medication all together. How did you know? Did you? I feel like I always knew I had bipolar but wasn’t diagnosed until I was 20
I’m like that too. My mind doesn’t shut off and I can’t get out of bed I get really tired and depressed. I was working on environmental protection when I was 36 and I mellowed over the years but I was so angry and rage about 17-36. I didn’t know I had schizophrenia until I was first hospitalised in 2007.
Oh wow, well thanks for sharing! Much appreciated. Hope all is well and goes well for you!
You too. You have made so much progress with not being suicidal.