I feel stuck in my relationship with my boyfriend. Hes controlling and when i try to talk to him about stuff like that he freaks out and i end up apologizing for bringing it up. I feel miserable. He goes to college after this summer so i feel i just need to hold on till then. Im stuck with him.
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Hey @Abi
Ah relationships, they are hard and I have never seemed to have gotten any of mine right XD. That being said, one thing I know for certain is that we are neither defined by our significant other nor our we defined by our lack of one. Don’t think for a second that you are forced into remaining in a relationship with another person. While I can understand that often times we should wait for a good time to do certain things, we must be careful not to use that line of thinking to excuse ourselves from doing what we feel is the right thing to do.
Please don’t continually take the blame for the sake of the relationship. Often I used to bite my tongue and take verbal punishment for the sake of my partner but in the end it only made me resentful and prevented me from bringing up things that I really needed to talk about.
Communication is key. Don’t apologize for wanting to talk about things (apologizing for crossing a line or being hurtful is a different matter). Don’t try and make your boyfriend happy, aim to make him (and yourself) a better person.
Best of luck with what awaits you in the future, don’t be afraid to run headfirst into your challenges (metaphorically that is).
@Abi, ok, first: Do not let anyone control you and tell you what to do and make you bad for expressing your emotions. Please trust me on this. You will come out on the worse end. The idea of a boyfriend is someone who’s supposed to be there for you and make you happy. This is your life, not his. Even when you care about someone, there’s a point where you have to dig your claws in and say ‘NO, this is my life, not yours, you are making me miserable, you’re making up excuses and this relationship is toxic for me. I’ll leave if I want to.’
He could get more controlling if he thinks he can get away with it. You don’t want it go so far. What if he forces you to have sex with him or something when you don’t want to? Do you see what I mean? This isn’t affection or love. He’s not being a boyfriend, he’s making you miserable. And you deserve to be happy. Don’t wait for pain to teach you a hard lesson. Don’t wait for him to leave with a good mind that he still has you under his thumb. Don’t ever let someone keep your words from being heard. You’re hurting, and if he’s making up excuses to avoid that and ignore your pain, he doesn’t deserve you.
Look if he’s suffocating you. Worse if he’s cutting off your family & friends that are positive influences in your life then forget him and throw him in the trash. Don’t wait until he goes to college. Doesn’t matter his personality or the type of person he is.
I could be wrong and he’s just fearful of losing you cause he was hurt before. Otherwise cut him off. (If your relationship is hostile I suggest finding an agency near you that is Alice Paul house or similar. I hope it isn’t.)