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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Hope by NF
Brilliant, ty for caring for the ones left behind. I’m coming off a dozen years of isolation. Trying to heal, reaching… and that voice is strong asking me why?? What do you have…what could someone want with you? You’re right also, the more you hope, the louder it gets… wanting to retreat. Ty for listening @heartsupport
Yes! It’s hard to see how much healing is actual intense and deep work. Something that really forces you to muster the strength within you and challenges you over and over. You know why you decide to face your struggles, you know why you took the first step, but along the way there are so many times when there’s this voice in your mind that will make you doubt it, question what you do, who you are, and why you took the first step towards healing.
The more we try to take care of ourselves and attend our needs, the louder false narratives can be in our mind. And it’s freaking hard to compose with it. Some days it really can make you feel like you just want to throw the towel. That these doubts and fears are always going to be stronger than you and your willingness to stand up for yourself. It’s a real rollercoaster to ride, while making so much of those false narratives more visible to you - how much power they hold over you to, and how much they have been orienting your life over time.
With the experience you describe, it shows that you are doing the work… that you are bravely shedding light over what was remaining in the dark, in the unnoticed - yet still had a profound influence over you. You’re not simply enduring these lies and questions as if they were piloting your life in the background. You are SEEING them for what they are, and that speaks to how much your perspective has changed over time. That is a manifestation of your GROWTH. And this is such a huuuuge anchor to hold on to, through all these moments of doubts and inner obstacles that keep arising in particular. Something to be proud of! You are standing up for yourself. You are doing the hard work. You are facing these voices firsthand and seeing them truly. THAT is real strength, my friend. 
-Micro
@HeartSupport Ty for the kind words, for caring, for just taking the time to listen.
It means the world. I am even worse than “normal” the inside is huge and the conversations I have with myself…even since I was a boy…are neverending. But words that you say, that others say, I’ll turn into action. I know where it comes from now, and I can face it. I know it won’t end, but I also know I control it and how I respond to it. Not perfectly, not evenly, but I will…
And I hope others can take those steps into the light, too… another reason I posted. I don’t share my life with many, but I understand the hole…the darkness, the safety… but I took a step then another, others can too. Anyway I really appreciate it. TY and 