This is a topic from YOUTUBE. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on YouTube.
Belongs to: Therapist reacts to N/A by Bring Me The Horizon
But, the problem is, at least in my case, I really don’t want to disappoint or let down people who’ve been supporting me, because I know how valuable the support is, and how craved I am for the support. A lot of time I did disappoint them (at least in my mind) for so many things I’m unable to do yet, and when that happen, things kind of went back to square zero, where I’m so ashamed about myself, shut down, keep quiet, and my minds will just filled again with dark thoughts.
It’s rerally hard to deal with the pressure of not wanting to disappoint the people who support you. You know how much their support means to you, and you crave it so deeply, but at the same time there’s this constant fear of letting them down that haunts you and overshadows your interactions together. It’s exhausting to feel like the support given to you must produce results, otherwise it would feel like you’d be letting down the people in your life who spent time and attention on you. And that sense of disappointment, whether it’s real or imagined, can start to be even more important for you than receiving support. Help doesn’t become something made for you, but something conditioned by whether or not others would see you getting better or not. It drags you back to that place where you feel ashamed of yourself, where it’s easier to shut down and keep quiet rather than face those feelings. It makes you feel small, unworthy, and like you don’t deserve the care and support you’re getting.
The cycle of shutting down, retreating into yourself really is a vicious cycle. You start to fill up with dark thoughts, and it feels like you’re back at square one. It’s frustrating because you know you’ve made progress, but in those moments it’s hard to see it All you can focus on is the sense of failure and the fear that you’re letting everyone down. So it feels like you have to hide parts of yourself. You’re caught in this paradox where the very thing you need the most feels out of reach because of how you’re feeling inside.
I can only imagine how draining it is to keep going through this cycle, wanting so badly to make the people around you proud but feeling like you’re falling short. It’s a constant battle that is strong of you to acknowledge here. Being aware of this pattern at play is strength and shows perspective over the situation. You are not just letting it take over, you ar enot just enduring it, you are also understanding how it’s functioning and how it affects you. You are naming th estruggle, allowing you to detach yourself from it, an deventually work on it too. Overall, this situation doesn’t make you weak or broken. It shows shows how much you care about the people you love, which is also beautiful.
You’re doing the best you can and that’s enough. It’s okay to struggle and to have days where it feels like you’re not making any progress. It’s okay to let people you love know about it, and experience firsthand that when you love someone, you are not expecting them anything else than to be themselves. You are allowed to grow and heal at your own pace, and setbacks are a part of the journey.
