I am a woman who as a child was sexually abused by women.
I present myself as a strong independent woman who promotes feminism and girls supporting girls but in reality, due to my early experiences some strong women make me feel anxious and uncomfortable.
I’ve always been told that women are ‘nurturers’ and ‘motherly’ but the association I have with women growing up was violent and manipulative. It’s put a strain on the relationship I have with my mother and other older females in my life. Looking to the future I feel like I will never be a good mother or daughter. I feel like a bad feminist and a failure of a woman.
I feel like I will never be comfortable within myself and within my own body. I hate the resemblance of myself to my abusers, I hate my female body and have to shower with the lights off because the view of my own body disgusts me and reminds me of theirs.
I want to be a strong female figure that I needed as a child, but I don’t know how to do that and worry I’ll never be able to accept me for me.