When I was 2 years old I had what’s called an ependymoma soft tissue brain tumor. And it’s left me both physically and slightly mentally disabled. There are days I can barely walk. I can’t work due to this, and with my horrible memory, I struggle to do basic daily tasks. But I don’t want to just sit here feeling sorry for myself. I’ve tried streaming on Twitch and I want to make some money from it to feel like I’m doing something productive with my life, but I always feel I’ll never be successful in life. I fear that I won’t be able to help provide for me and my girlfriend. I guess I feel like I’m stuck in a rut that’s impossible to get out of, and I don’t know what to do. I have no more family as they’ve passed, and I don’t really have anyone to rely on. I feel alone, since my girlfriend and I live a few hours away. What can I do? I want to try and be successful, but I don’t know what I can do
Dusk,
Dude, so relatable. Sucks to feel like there’s nothing you can do in life to be as successful as you expected to be. When I turned 22, I had a “quarter life crisis” where I looked around my life and felt like I’d let my younger self down, like if he could see where I ended up, he’d be disappointed, because the best word to describe myself would be: “mediocre”, my greatest fear had come true. I can so relate to what you’re feeling, like nothing you do will ever amount to anything, and you’ll just go unnoticed and a disappointment.
I’ve come to realize over the years that “success” isn’t actually objective, though…“success” means something different to you than it doest to me…and honestly, “success” means something to you today than it did a year ago, or at any point you pick throughout your life. Ten years ago, you never would have defined “success” as making money on Twitch (probably because it didn’t exist) – but the point is that it’s a moving target…and I think one of the problems people like you and me face is that we never really define for ourselves what “success” is…in essence, we define it as “better than where I’m at”, and so we LITERALLY never will be successful. Whereas, there are all sorts of people who would love at our lives and say, “Man that guy is successful” – because we don’t long for food, we don’t long for water, we have shelter, ya know? I know that’s a silly example, but it’s true – success is different for everyone, and so you need to get really clear – what is success for you? And what’s a way you could define success that would be EMPOWERING as opposed to DEPRESSING? Because right now, your definition of success just makes you feel terrible able your life. And that’s super unhelpful. What’s a way you could define it that would make you feel good about yourself every day? That would challenge you but give you grace in all of your shortcomings and recognize that you’re not perfect. Maybe write this out, man, and write in some grace…truth is, you’re a success because you’re alive.
You might not be religious, and that’s fine, this is just something that I came across recently. I found this verse in the bible that says, “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” – the first part “fear of the Lord” basically means knowing God, having reverence and appreciation and understanding of who he is…and the second part is a bold statement which basically says that nothing else is true “knowledge” unless it’s atop the foundation of who God is. All that turned into something really practical for me this week…I started asking, “Who is God?” instead of “Who am I?” Because my answer to the latter question was almost always, “I am a failure”. This week, I started asking, “Who is God?” before I answered, “Who am I?” And I got some interesting answers…
God is the creator…the reason that’s important is because it also says in the bible that we are God’s masterpiece – imagine an artist…who labors over a work of art for years and years and years…thinking it through, perfecting every line and every curve, ensuring that every piece of the work comes together into a beautiful synergy for a symphonic effect…at the end of the years of creating and perfecting and adoring this piece of work, the artist says, “There’s nothing I could possibly do to make this better”…that’s what God says about us. We are his masterpiece…there wasn’t anything God could have possibly done to make you more perfect at being you than the way you are right now. Same for me.
So BECAUSE God is the creator, I am the best. I am a success. I am enough as I am. It’s just the truth on that foundation of knowledge…it’s who I am because it’s who HE is. What a powerful shift that has been for me. It’s changed my definition of success because I AM a success simply because God created me. it validates me and encourages me to know I am loved and to know I am enough, and it changes the game for me!
I hope you find a definition of success that can do the same for you! Because the truth is: you are a success already, Dusk.
-Nate
Hey @Dusk - Thank you so much for reaching out to HeartSupport! My question to you is, how do you define “success”? Money? A large quantity/quality of family/friends? Happiness? Spiritual fulfillment? Everyone defines “success” differently, so I’d say that finding your personalized definition is step 1. Step 2 would be how to go about achieving said success. For me, success = happiness. So, I’m on a life-long journey of seeking happiness, because if I’m truly happy, then, I will be successful.
Success for me would be financial stability. I don’t want to be rich or anything. I just want to be able to live comfortably. But the problem is, I don’t know how to go about achieving that in my current situation
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through and the pain that you must be feeling. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story because you matter!
I can definitely relate to you just simply wanting to provide financially for you and your girlfriend. It is honorable and a great thing to aspire for. Personally, I was once near homeless, getting eviction notices on my apartment door and an empty fridge. Fast forward to today, I have been able to provide financially for my family. It is so easy to get lost in my viewing my own personal identity in being able to provide for my family and for a long time I struggled with this. I want to encourage you to continue to aspire, work hard, and sacrifice to build that stability for you and your girlfriends’ future and you will slowly start creating the foundation for a future for you and her.
Lastly, I would encourage you to define success on something that doesn’t equate to monetary value such as money. I have made a lot of money over the past year and it is so easy to get tied up in that being my identity. God has opened my eyes to view success as characteristics that reflect character honorable to God. Such as; Success is raising my two year old son to live a life of integrity and loving God with his whole heart. Loving my wife well and serving her and developing deeper connections with my close friends. As you continue to pursue this, know that it takes time, sacrifice, and hard work. Let God be your compass in this thing called life and continually measure your success on how you are being faithful in the small and big things that God has blessed you with. You got this! We are here for you!
-L
@Dusk - If you find it difficult to secure a corporate job, have you considered trying something like a food delivery service? I have a corporate business job during the day and I drive for DoorDash (Postmates) at night and on the weekends, and it actually pays pretty well!
That’s my problem. I can’t drive or do anything like that, and I can’t work most any jobs due to my disabiliities