To say the least, I typed a 9 page journal entry after this guy messed me up emotionally, mentally, and financially. We were together for about 9 months in 2020.
I’m still recovering to be honest.
I don’t think he was intentionally a bad person, but was raised to be one, and it shows very clearly that he copies past behaviors he’s seen.
He especially didn’t seem like a bad person at first, but it was a huge front, because once he was comfortable and felt like I wasn’t going to leave him, he started acting like a giant penis. At first, we had good adventures and experiences, and really had a lot of fun together. We had a lot in common in some ways, and I really thought he was a good dude. There were certainly times where he was there for me and made me feel better about other things, but after a certain amount of arguing and disagreeing, and feeling like I was the biggest nuisance ever, I just felt so… manipulated.
The first thing that should have been a flag was that he had all these health problems that seemed to just. Half-exist? I mean I knew he had back problems and went to the doc and stuff for it, but he said he had narcolepsy, didn’t take any meds for it, and I never once saw him fall asleep randomly. I think he had some kind of sleep disorder (like insomnia or something) but either way, he would milk these ‘disabilities’ like he literally couldn’t function. And maybe I sound like an ass, but he would use it to manipulate me into doing or not doing things. I also have a bunch of ‘disabilities’ so-to-speak, and I’m a fully functioning person (with some issues, but still). He’d be fine most of the time, and then any time it wasn’t something he wanted to do, it was ‘oh my back’ ‘oh I’m too tired’ etc. I even gave him shoulder massages on a regular basis to try and help him out.
He told me arguing regularly (like every day or two) was normal in a relationship, which I found absurd.
He wouldn’t allow me to give advice without considering it an attack on him and his life. I never tried to force him to take ANY advice I gave. I know I’m not a genius.
He forewarned me that he would get ‘comfortable’ and need to be reminded of things. I did a SHIT TON of reminding to no avail, and he claimed so hard at the end that I didn’t tell him and that he really ‘tried’.
I supported him financially - aside from paying rent, I paid for pretty much everything else. Clothes, computer parts, groceries, dinner out, vacation, etc, etc, etc.
I did things for him all the time - laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. He very rarely showed appreciation and if he did it was backhanded by criticism of some kind, like yelling at me for putting a knife in the dishwasher the wrong way - he wanted me to put it sharp side up for some reason? Idk.
He stopped making love with me when I told him about a specific thing I liked, rather than just saying he wasn’t comfortable doing that. It seemed like he was really upset that he couldn’t ‘get it up’ but I don’t think he actually even wanted me at that point. I can count on two hands the number of times we fornicated over a 9 month relationship. In the beginning, he told me he was ‘always horny’ and ‘a freak in bed’.
I also lent him $3000 dollars to pay for a car repair, which he has yet to pay back $2620 of. My credit is still suffering. I was unemployed for 4 months when he decided to stop paying me back after our break up. I don’t work a ‘rich’ job, and don’t make that much money that I can pay off a debt so quickly. I also have about $70k in student loans and am paying rent and all my bills, etc. which I guess he wouldn’t understand because he lives at his dad’s and only pays $300 rent and $100 internet.
He told my new s/o to die of a drug overdose ‘like his uncles did’ which is extremely messed up. Who says that to someone? I wouldn’t say that to my worst enemy??
ALSO. I’m autistic. I didn’t know this when I was with him, but nonetheless, our communication skills were incompatible. Still, there are many people in my life that accommodate and try to understand me. I even forewarned him that I wasn’t good at expressing myself, and had mental health issues, and I really did try my best to be good - even going so far as getting a therapist to ‘help me with my emotions’ because they were apparently out of control (gee I wonder why). I don’t think he had good communication skills either, even for a neurotypical.
He would gaslight me, saying I started arguments when he’d be the first to raise his voice every time - I wish I would have recorded one of our arguments and played it back for him. The only time I find myself raising my voice is if I’m scared, or if someone else raises theirs at me and I feel defensive. It got to the point where I started hurting myself, yet he continued the abusive cycle of starting fights, etc. He once tried to force me to go out with his friends (without him) after I had worked a really long week and just wanted to relax. He literally raised his voice at me because I said I’d rather just chill until he got back home.
Finally, yes this was during the COVID-19 lockdown, and we were together a lot, but every time I would try to leave to stay at my place (which I was still paying $900/month for while not even really staying there) he would accuse me of going to cheat on him and act very weird and insecure and pissed off-y with me. I would offer him to come with me, but that could never happen because he couldn’t spend 5 seconds away from his PC games. That being said, the nights I spent there were not great. We had different sleep schedules, which can be okay, but he didn’t work any job (lived off disability) and played video games until 2-3am every night in the same room I had to sleep in. I would say goodnight to him and go to bed, and then he’d 1) ask me why I was on my phone and not ‘just going to sleep’ (like F you dude, I need to unwind, suck my tits) and 2) he would start YELLING at his games and SLAMMING HIS FIST against his desk, constantly waking me up. I think I literally went 4 months without sleeping more than 1-2 hours at a time. I was actually starting to go insane.
Around the time I lent him the money, he was still acting really rude to me all the time, getting annoyed with me at nothing. He told me he was going to Atlantic City for H20 which is a car show (he had a VW GTI which I paid for the repairs on). I was like oh okay, you want me to come? His response was that it was a ‘guys only’ thing (I later found out every other dude that went with had their girlfriend there. If he wasn’t there to flirt around and cheat on me, then I dunno WTF he was doing). Since I couldn’t go, I planned a camping trip with some of his friends, and ended up cheating on him with one of the guys that went. It sounds so crude, but it’s so complex, because of the conversation and events leading up to the ‘cheating’ - I voiced my broken-hearted-ness at the camp site, and was overly validated - all his friends said they noticed he wasn’t treating me well and that him and I argued a lot over little stuff. A lot of lies were pointed out to me, and I just felt so done at that point. I also ended up telling him what happened the day after he got back. It’s not like I kept it to myself for a long time. I can’t keep secrets like that - I felt so guilty.
Then, while I was packing up my things to leave him, he invited one of my nasty ex’s over that he was friends with. And then verbally tried to take my cat (Mickey, who is the love of my life) away from me, saying I’m a neglectful owner, when I know that I’m not?
I know he did it to intimidate me.
I know he did it to hurt me.
It did hurt, and I did feel intimidated.
Feels good to get this out in the open, because he swayed all his friends to believe he was the victim before they ever even asked my side of the story.
Oh, and apparently I’m the gold digger…
I hope he gets his karma soon.
I hope he gets better soon.
I don’t think I deserved all of this.