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Can people change?

TW// Sexual Assault

As I’ve posted about before, my aunt is having a baby girl within the next three months. Her husband has been sexually assaulting and harassing me since I was in sixth grade. It’s been going on for years and I cant go over there without fearing about what could happen. Recently they threw a surprise baby shower for my aunt. Everyone was so happy and she was happy and he was happy. He helped plan it. Seeing how happy he was and how happy she was is making me so guilty. I was originally going to tell her that he needs to be gone for the safety of her child but what if im wrong. What if I’m overreacting? Is a Pedophile always a pedophile or can they change? Although I still picture him telling me how much I look like her. How my breasts are better than hers or how I am beautiful like her. I can’t imagine that he won’t do the same to the child. Especially seeing as it’s actually her child. If this child shares any similarities, I’m scared he will use it to justify his actions. I don’t want this child to be raised and have the same psychological damage as I have gotten. I also don’t want to ruin them.

My main question is will a pedophile always be a pedophile? Should I break up their family because of my issues and fears?

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It’s not a case of you ruining them. The man has created a ruinous situation. Your aunt may or may not believe what you have to say about it, but if you don’t try, you are enabling the creep. You may end up estranged from the entire family, but even if your aunt remains in denial, there’s a good chance she’ll be more watchful and protective of her child. She may instead be extremely grateful to you. She may already have suspicions about her husband too.

I think it’d be a good idea if you called child protective services and explain the situation. I think they may be able to find you some therapy services.

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Hey @lemon,

Thank you so much for sharing all of this once again and updating us on the situation. Your fears right now are absolutely valid and understandable and I relate to this burden that’s weighing on your shoulders. Holding this secret can feel like a huge responsibility. But as much as it’s about making a choice regarding this situation, the person who caused it is not you. It’s not your fault. If someone has to face his responsability, it’s him. If you decided to talk about it, the consequences of revealing it wouldn’t be your fault. It would be the result of his actions. He started this.

You ask if a pedophile will always be a pedophile, and this question itself would be worth reading studies and research on this topic. However, as people who don’t know the “scientific”/rational side of it, we can still have a logical reasoning. In my opinion, whether it’s possible to change or not, change is not likely to happen if the person never faced any responsibility. The secret that surround what happened can be, on their end, a way to believe that they can assault young people without any consequence. Justice, whether it’s perceived with a purpose of a punishment or rehabilitation, holds this function of making someone face what they did, and endure the consequences of it.

This is a very sensitive situation and, if I was in your shoes right now, I’d try to defend a need for justice by letting my friend know, both for the little girl that I was, and this girl almost born. Even if it means a lot of pain and hurt for my friend, or even to lose their friendship. It’s about knowing what you want to prioritize, what are the values you want to hold to, and eventually defend.

I can only imagine how overwhelming this must be though. So I truly hope that you are receiving support on your end. I hope you’re not dealing with this question alone. Please keep in mind that what is happening is not your fault. :hrtlegolove:

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