I’m going to admit it, I need help. Of course, I already knew that, but I really really need help.
My sister physically and emotionally abuses me, my mom, despite going through the same suicidal thoughts I have, won’t let me tell people whose whole jobs revolve around helping people who are struggling, and it’s really making me mad. My dad went to jail(again)because of a DUI(His fifth), which already sucked because we thought he was getting better, but also because we had plans with him. He knew he had plans with his kids, who he gets to see so little, and yet decided that drinking and driving would be a good idea. I’m pretty much failing at school, I don’t have friends, I’m a pig, and oh, did I mention I hate the fact that I’m a girl? I mean, I like being feminine, I feel feminine, but I just hate that I’m a female. I know that I am cis, but sometimes I wish I was non-binary, or trans, but I know I’m not.
My sister has caused so many depressive episodes that I’ve strongly considered running away, but I never do because I’m not stupid, and it’s not like any of my relatives would let me stay with them. I’m really starting to consider looking into boarding school.
I also hate that I like my friend, who is also a girl. Another reason for boarding school, or even a conversion camp. I hate that I like girls and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m actually thinking of trying to find a relative who would listen to me and let me stay with them. But, of course, I can’t. I might(just might) talk to my grandmother on my dad’s side about staying with her for a while, or even just staying with our nanny(I don’t need a babysitter, but mom doesn’t like me and my sister to be home alone, even though I’m old enough to), in Boston when she moves this Summer. I just want to get out of this hell hole.