EDIT I should have stated this earlier, but I’m the father, not mother lol my kids mother hasn’t been in their lives at all. @taylor I’m struggling with something, watched a few video’s of your reactions to music, especially Suicide by Ren. My daughter, she’s 19 last year very end of march had emergency surgery, found out she had stage 4 cancer, as she started her battle, the end of may I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer so then we fought together! Well beginning of Jan this year we found out I’m in full remission but my daughters cancer after only 6 weeks of remission came back with a vengeance and tumors attached to/in ovaries (both of ours started as Colon cancer) and they grew to the size of small footballs each, she looked 9 months pregnant at time of surgery. She had to have them removed early Feb of this year, ovaries and tubes and then we found out hers is incurable… she’s on Chemo again and seems to be working but I feel guilty for being in remission and that it’s not me incurable… I’m having sleepless nights, I’m having horrible nightmares, I feel guilty I have to still work and I can’t take her to do the things she wants to do, because it’s just me and my two girls and no child support so it’s basically paycheck to paycheck… everything is overwhelming and I dont feel okay…
Hi @Drizzte,
Cancer is a hard battle to fight against with, just remember you aren’t alone in this journey! Your daughter has a wonderful mother that is supporting her. There are cancer support groups that you can receive help from. I hope you & your daughter is able to overcome this difficult health situation.
Hey @Drizzte,
Welcome to HeartSupport! We’re so glad you are here.
As someone who lost their mom to ovarian cancer 10 years ago, I want to acknowledge how incredibly difficult this situation is. You’re facing a parent’s worst nightmare with your daughter’s illness, all while managing your own health. It’s completely understandable that you’d be feeling overwhelmed, guilty, and exhausted.
There’s a lot going on, and I want to make sure that I cover all of it. Just remember, small acts can make a difference. Try relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing exercises. Prioritize sleep – a consistent sleep schedule can help with nightmares. If you have a smartphone, there’s many apps that can help take care of your wellbeing, and if you have an iPhone, it’s actually built in to the Health app, where you can set a wind down schedule, reflect and do breathing exercises.
Sharing your burden can be a huge relief. Consider a therapist specializing in chronic illness or family support. You can find therapists through your insurance or Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/. There are also support groups specifically for families dealing with cancer, like CancerCare: https://www.cancercare.org/ or the American Cancer Society (https://www.cancer.org/). The last 2 organizations are great, because they offer services that you may not know existed or needed. And they do it free of charge as well in some cases.
When it comes to your daughter, even small adventures or experiences can be meaningful. Focus on what’s possible within your circumstances. Many charities exist to help grant wishes for patients, such as Make-A-Wish Foundation: https://wish.org/. Also one important thing is to talk to her doctors about pain management and emotional support options. Those can go along way, and even though your scenarios are different, a mother’s love goes such a long way especially one that’s gone through the same trenches as well.
I’d also explore financial aid programs offered by social services or cancer organizations. Look into programs offering childcare assistance or transportation help. Can you talk to your employer about flexible hours or work-from-home options if possible? There may also be leave programs for caregivers.
Please know that you’re not alone in this fight. Remember, your daughter needs you strong, and focusing on your own well-being will help you be there for her. Reach out for support – it’s a sign of strength, not weakness.
Thank you very much, I’m the father but all the same I guess I’m kinda both LOL been a single dad since my girls were 3 and 1 =) long story but she’s just no in their lives. so it’s just us 3 =)