I just got back from visiting family and friends in California, and before, during, and after I was there, I was miserable. Every time I go back to my hometown, I’m reminded of events that had a negative impact on my life, I lost friends, I had fights with them, and just overall had a bad experience. I knew this was gonna happen, because it happens every single time I go back home, and it sucks. I get stressed out, I overthink, I end up having multiple breakdowns, and end up just wanting to isolate myself. Many things happened on this last trip that made me break. The guy I like and have been talking to for about 8 months now (he’s in the Marines) admitted to me that he’s been in love with his best friend but also likes me, and needs time to get over her. He wants to be with me, but needs time for himself, wants to focus on Marines, and just wants to be by himself. I understood what he was saying and where he was coming from, but I still was (and still am) heartbroken. I put so much emotional effort into this guy, and it just made me really sad. Then I realized that I had to push a person who was having a negative impact on me, out of my life. This was really hard, because she was very upset while I was there because I wasn’t making enough time for her, even though I made as much time for her as I could, and was constantly trying to make me feel bad. I just can’t do it anymore. So many people that I know keep hurting me. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I just feel like no one cares, no one will listen to me, and theres no point in trying to get better, because I always end up being miserable again.
Hey @nicole_kaley,
I’m from California too! (San Jose, to be exact). I’m sorry to hear that you had such a rough time during your visit. There is this thing called “fusion” and there are both external and internal types of fusion. My childhood wasn’t too healthy either, so I grew to develop a sense of negative external infusion with San Jose. Now, every time I return, I automatically get a sense of heightened anxiety. You’re not a alone.
You deserve so much better. You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally, and if he’s either questioning it or loves your best friend over you, then to me, that’s a huge red flag. I understand it doesn’t make healing any easier, and it’ll take time, but your day will come. You’re strong. Hold fast. We believe in you!
-Eric
Thank you for posting @nicole_kaley I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I’ve had a rocky childhood but sadly still live at home so cannot escape it… you will be able to heal from it in time with help. You deserve so much better than that guy if that is all he can say to you. I know it’s hard to believe but you will find someone to treat you right. I also know rough it is to have friends walk out on you - just know that the friends you make here however will not do that. We are always here for you. Keep moving forward.
Hold fast
Kayla
Hey @nicole_kaley,
You are never alone. These circumstances might make you feel that way, but you will be able to move past this. All of us in this community care about you, and you can talk to all of us. We are here for you.
I know that online discussion sometimes is just not enough to break the feeling of loneliness, but I believe in you and I believe you can get better. I believe that when online community doesn’t cut it, you will be able to find people to talk to near where you live who will listen and care about what you have to say.
All you can do is keep moving forward. I’m praying that you are able to overcome this and find joy.
Hold fast. We believe in you.
Zachary