I found a large number of vile and disgusting texts tgat my husband sends to his brother. I shouldnt have snooped but he has been lying about going out drinking and i wanted to know what was going on.
I confronted him and he told me i was being ridiculous and never apologized. Just said “im sorry your feelings are hurt”. He feels completely justified and cant be reasoned with. He just brings up every mistake ive made in 18 years of marriage. He constantly tells me i dont make enough money and thats most of his justification for all of his actuons.
We have 5 kids. 1, 4, 13, 15 and 17. Our 17 year old has been struggling with mental health. Im trying to be strong for my kids.
Im just so terrified that im going to break. I dont know hownto keep living with my world crashing around me. But i cant lose my kids. Im all they’ve got. I take care of EVERYTHING.
His texts are very hard to read and signs of a very unhealthy individual, and I am so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine the pain of being with someone for 18 years and only for them to turn on you like this.
Do you have anywhere you can stay for a little while? Parents, siblings, cousins?
We all make mistakes, and when we are in a relationship (and especially marriage), we know that the person we’re involved with is imperfect because we ourselves are imperfect. We want to see that person grow into the best person they can be and don’t hold their mistakes over their heads. He doesn’t exhibit this, and you are fully justified in feeling so betrayed. Your income doesn’t get to determine how he treats you.
I don’t know of any resources that are available to people, parents especially, in your situation. Could social services perhaps provide you with such resources? Maybe contact a social worker who could help you out?
Most importantly, are you safe? Are your children safe? Do not hesitate to contact the proper authorities if you feel like any of you are in danger; trust your gut. I’m very sorry this is happening to you. You are allowed to distance yourself from him in whatever way you need until you’re able to resolve this issue, even if it results in you moving out. You deserve better.
As @r2o1 said, I hope your kiddos and you are safe today. There’s no doubt that the finding out about these messages, then dealing with your husband’s reaction must have so very heavy to deal with. Not only you are unexpectedly facing a level of distrust in your relationship that you couldn’t be prepared for, but on top of it he is putting the blame on you and dismissing what he did. It’s so hard when you try to confront someone and hold them accountable for something they did, but are only met with denial and anger. It’s not uncommon for someone who knows they did wrong to completely reject the fault on others, but it surely hurts as heck when you’re the one targeted.
My heart goes out to you as you navigate what certainly feels like a giant storm. It feels chaotic to deal with things like this, especially while trying to keep everything together for the sake of your children. You are a good parent, and through your words we can feel all the love you have for your family, regardless of the quality of your relationship with your husband. If you need to vent things out or just an ear to listen, please use this space as much as you need. You do not have to be alone while navigating through this. I hope that maybe there are people in your direct surroundings that you could rely on as well? People you trust - friends, family members - and who could be present for you. It’s okay to welcome safe allies in your life - sometimes just even the practice of sharing how we feel and being heard can help us find clarity.
You will get through this, friend. There will be better days to uncover from the other side of this situation, both for your family and you, even if it’s really hard to see it right now. We are in this with you.
