Hey @Andy,
I’m so sorry that your are going through such a rough time. The process of remembering these painful memories is an intense one. It shakes the way you might have perceived your mom, the relationship you have, but also your story as a whole. Parents are supposed to provide safety and nurture us as we grow up, not to instill a sense of fear and hurt.
When I started to remember past memories of abuse in my family, I felt the range of emotions you describe here, and also had my share of “night time anxiety”. Waking up distressed and panicked without having the time to understand what was going on is something I’m not ready to forget. Right now, Andy, there is this huge pack of emotions that have been waiting for a long time to be felt. It’s brutal, tough, heartbreaking, but I can assure you that it does get better with time. There will be a time of relief for you, even though right now it certainly feels like you’re enduring a lot of emotions at once.
You are starting to acknowledge a pain that was probably very present but silent throughout the years. Unfortunately, having just a bandaid on a deep wound is not sustainable in the long run. Although true healing is possible through all of this, as your heart is grieving for the child you were and for the needs that should have been met before.
If you can, when you feel these intense emotions dragging you, try to slow down a little, to name them, to see if it manifests anywhere in your body, and to treat yourself as you would do with a dear friend or a younger sibling. The vulnerability and hurt you couldn’t express before needs to be cared for, and it can go a long way through little acts of self-care.
As for the night time anxiety, I would encourage you to create your very own toolbox made of things that generally help to soothe you, to make you feel calm or remind you that you are safe. To me, it was a stuffed animal, earbuds and my phone with relaxing music on it, a little note to myself as a needed reminder, a little box of body creamwith a scent of lavender. Overal, things that helped me use my senses in order to calm down. I would also often try to picture myself, while laying down on the bed, as if my body was getting lighter and lighter, while to focus on each of my muscles being more and more relaxed. It takes practice to make your mind associate a certain action to something that could be quickly soothing, but it’s really worth it to keep trying whenever you need it.
Through all of this, make sure tokeep reaching out, to keep welcoming these emotions safely. This pain that you feel has a reason to be there, and by acknowledging it as you’ve been doing for a while now, you are going to empower yourself more and more. At first it is thisweird shape that seems to come from nowhere and bring a deep sense of distress. With time, you learn to see its subtleties, to be more familiar with it, and to not be controlled by it.
You will be okay Andy. We’re in this with you too. 
PS - I am far from being talented when it comes to drawing, but I’ve tried to do this little thing for you this morning. The blank space is for you to add an affirmation/positive reminder of your choice. I hope this would bring a little bit of peace and safety to your heart when you might need it.
U guys r definitely doing great at what u do here, definitely keep up the good work.