I’m having suicidal thoughts and i feel alone and miserable. I don’t know what to do about it.
1 Like
It’s brutal to feel like the thoughts in your head are pounding on your door, and the pressure is building up and building up, and it feels like they’re going to break through and ransack you. It’s terror - to feel like you’re out of control, like you can’t keep the guard up, like you’re sunk, and you’re just waiting until the ship goes under.
The problem is you don’t want to wait - you want to run, to leave, to get out of here, and it feels like suicide is the “Backdoor”, like a rip cord to keep you from hitting the ground.
Isn’t it interesting? Thinking about suicide as “safety”? But it feels like the “real enemy” is the one pounding at the door, and suicide feels like refuge.
It makes SENSE. But it’s not true. If we take this same metaphor, it’s like someone outside your door with a megaphone wanting you to go out the back door because that’s the real trap, the real enemy. Death isn’t escape, it’s tragedy.
But what’s more important when you’re feeling suicidal isn’t to necessarily meditate on the consequence or get “Sober” about it, but to push past the fear that’s keeping you in this state of panic and imprisonment.
When I was suicidal, there were a few factors:
- I felt completely alone
- I didn’t like my life
- I saw no hope of things getting better
What happened for me was that a friend invited me to play in the band at his church. I wasn’t into church and that’s not really the point, the point is that when I got there, I found people who chose to care about me - they asked how I was doing and they cared to hear the answer. I found a community, a safe place to be. And THAT knocked one of the three legs out of my stool. I started to like my life better because I made friends, and I saw that things could change.
When we name the real source of the pain and we push back against it we see that the voices knocking down our door only have power when we’re panicked.
What are the three legs on your stool? Let’s understand the pain. Because when we do, it helps illuminate a path forward.
Oh - and seriously, CHEERS. Your courage is commendable. Thankful you chose to share. You aren’t alone in this friend. Thank you for writing in, and I look forward to hearing your reply. -nate
Thank you for helping me see that there is a way out of this darkness that seemed to have no end. I really appreciate your support and your kindness. It means a lot that you replied and that you care. I hope I can face my issues and get out of this void. Thank you for sharing your story, It really means a lot.
Absolutely - happy to help. Those dark seasons are especially hard. I remember I used to have nightmares when I was a kid about being in danger, but then my voice wouldn’t work, and I couldn’t cry out for help. I think sometimes reaching out can feel like that- knowing we need to ask for help but feeling like our voice gets swallowed. It’s so scary. That’s why I think it’s so brilliant + brave that you chose to reach out. Well done.
I’m curious after reading this - what do you feel like is a potential next step for you? Do you feel any sense of what might be a fresh direction to try? Thankful you replied.
-nate
Yeah, sometimes it can feel that way and it’s terrifying. I’m glad i’m starting to feel that it’s better to talk about how i’m feeling rather than hide it all. I will try to get help and tell someone close to me about my struggles and hope i’m able to get a therapist. Then see where I can go from there. Thanks again for everything.
<3 YES. Talking about it cuts a lot of the power instantly. And these steps you’ve lined up - sharing with a friend and maybe starting therapy - brilliant.
If you want to try therapy for a week for free just to give it a shot, you can use better help (I’ve been in therapy through them for 4 years myself) - betterhelp.com/heartsupport - you have to add a credit card to sign up, but if you cancel before end of trial it won’t charge you.
Also, if you end up wanting a tool to support you when you’re feeling suicidal, we built an app called the HeartSupport SOS app SOS App | HeartSupport ← you can tap a button and it reaches out to your close friends when you’re feeling suicidal or depressed or stressed or just whenever you need support. If that would be valuable for you, it’s totally free 
cheering you on!
1 Like
Thank you so much! I will definitely have to try those. You’ve been very helpful and I appreciate the support. It was nice talking with you. I hope you have an amazing day.
Likewise! <3 thank you for writing in. LMK if you need anything else. You’re always welcome to post again
Will do. Thanks again.
1 Like
Hey there just checking in to see how these post couple weeks have been for you. Hope you are doing well 
1 Like
Hello. I’m doing better.
I’m now taking medication for depression and anxiety and i’ll be seeing a psychiatrist soon. Thanks for checking in.
Wow! That’s amazing! Well done! Feels good to come up out of the thick out of it. Nerdy reference, but if you’ve ever seen The Hobbit, when Bilbo is in Mirkwood, the forrest is suffocating on their spirits and minds, and at one point he climbs the trees to try to see where they’re going, and as soon as he pops his head above the treeline, he’s able to breathe and feel the sun and all of the “fog” is gone. Feels a lot like you’re experiencing some of that relief coming out of the thick of the struggle. I’m proud of you for persevering. Strong work!