hello people! so, to cut straight to the point; i’ve been questioning my gender identity for a while now. i’ve wondered if i might have been trans before but i could never a 100% identity with it, and yesterday my best friend outed themselves as genderfluid to me and we talked about the topic some more, which led me to the conclusion that i, too, am genderfluid. so, that pretty cool i’d say! i love being referred to as a boy and on some days i really want to be one too and on others i just feel so feminine and love every second of it. though i still don’t think that the pronouns she/her are something i want to go by. i’m sticking to they/them on the feminine days and he/him on the masculine ones :]
on a second, also more positive note, i am 27 days clean and thrilled to hit that one month milestone in a couple days.
aaand then we have some new vent art my mind came up with, while listening to Mr. Forgettable by David Kushner. the song’s original meaning is about alzheimer, which very much reminds me of my grandfather before he passed in 2019. but the line “hello, hello, do you know me?” really resonates with me for a different reason. whenever i look into the mirror, I don’t actually see me. i just see someone else; a face i’ve grown accustomed to seeing but it doesn’t feel like mine. i don’t recognise my reflection most days. it’s a weird way of feeling that i’ve had for so long, I can’t actually remember the last time i felt like myself. so i tried to convey that, i guess?
First off, congratulations for coming out as genderfluid! It’s really special and heartwarming to have the possibility to be invited to this here. This year was also marked for me as accepting more and more being genderfluid, and as confusing as it is sometimes it has also brought so much peace to my heart. I don’t feel weird anymore for feeling rather feminine, neutral, or even masculine depending on the situation I’m in or who I talk to. Acknowledging that and being okay with it creates some kind of harmony that really feels good overall.
Also, WELL DONE for these 27 DAYS! Oh goodness, that is indeed a huge milestone! You got this, friend! You’re doing really well. Look at you!
As for what you have shared about the mirror and seeing your own reflection, it is something I relate to so very much. I tend to put that on the responsibility of dissociated often and experiencing depersonalization from time to time - especially when the stress piles up. It really is a weird experience to look at your face as a combinature of physical features that seem oddly familiar and distant. Just like when we repeat a word over and over: we know its meaning, but it sounds more and more meaningless and kind of loses it substances, to only perceive a combination of letters.
Not sure what I’m saying makes a lot of sense, but anyway, thank you so much once again for sharing your art - and the explainations above it. It really speaks a lot.
