Back to heartsupport

Confused, and guilt

I’m confused about everything and even about my self. Ive been doing great the past few months but lately things haven’t been going well. first of all the relationship between my parents has been “ok” . Though my parents have been doing stuff to me that just mess with me Every time i have a panic attack and is not at my best instead of helping me in any other way they can. My mom threatens to call 911/or put me in a mental hospital Every time. It dosent even help it just causes me more panic I’ve tried to talk with her about it and guess what She dosent even care. Shes also started comparing me with my cousins and would say things like “Your cousins dont do stuff like this!” Or “This is why your grandparents hate you/like your cousins better” it messes with me a lot. I want to have a good relationship with them but i keep messing it up everything that comes out of my mouth just makes things worse. So thats not the best (ive been trying to get a therapist but my parents keep moving I’ll only be with one for like a month before going to anther one). Anther thing thats not been helping is my guilt I was getting better Heart support helped me truly And i feel like I’m just being a jerk making this. Why cant i simply get better? (i would like to add this Cps has visited us 2 times and for both times they came i’d not tell them the stuff my parents did Bc i appreciate my parents even tho i dont show it much) Sorry for bad grammar.

2 Likes

Is it possible to stay in contact with a therapist that you’ve already found to be helpful, even though you are no longer in the same location?

It sounds like your parents need more counseling than you do. If she is comparing you with your cousins, she is probably comparing herself with someone else too. She’s probably been conditioned to make these comparisons all her life, and it’s taken a toll on her mental state. Comparing with other people is a severely destructive approach. It doesn’t work, even if those being compared have been raised in identical conditions.

I can see why your conversations with your mom don’t end well, as trying to reason with an unreasonable person tends to escalate conflict. I understand your not wanting to get your parents in trouble, even though they are very difficult to live with. My mom was bipolar, schizophrenic, and had borderline personality disorder. My dad was a chronically depressed alcoholic. I didn’t want to get them in trouble either.

Such as she was, my mom was an absolute master at inducing guilt and shame. I spent years firmly convinced that I deserved all of the mistreatment and unhappiness.

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilt. You can’t just simply and spontaneously “get better.” It takes time, therapy, patience, and self acceptance.

I think your mom cares about you, but is doing everything wrong in her attempts to express it.

I survived by reminding myself that I wouldn’t be stuck in a dysfunctional home forever.

If it ever becomes possible, it would be good if a therapist could teach your mom how to react to your panic attacks.

2 Likes