Confused with life

hello. i haven’t been on this forum in about 3 years but i have once again spiraled back into bad mental health. i am typically a happy person, i don’t have depression & i do love my life & the people in it. but lately my intrusive thoughts have been robbing me of that happiness. it’s almost as if a part of my brain sees me being joyful & wants to shut that down. my intrusive thoughts consist of “what if i just klled myself” (i’m not sicidal at all) & “i’m not real, this is all a dream”. lots of people say “oh you’re not ur thoughts don’t worry about it” but when this has been happening for the past 3 months now it almost starts to convince you the thoughts are real. i get other intrusive thoughts but they are often so far fetched that i CAN distinguish them from reality. but the sicidal ones are hard to because sicide is so common & death is my literal biggest fear. when i was at a concert in la i was getting so excited while my favorite band was playing but then the second i started to enjoy myself my intrusive thoughts said “ur gonna k*ll yourself one day” & “none of this is real & you’ll never be happy & you’ll end up locked away in a psych ward” & it ruined my whole night. i had been looking forward to this event for ages. everytime i get happy now my thoughts ruin it. there is times when i can freely enjoy myself but it’s very rare & takes lots of energy. i am very tired of this. i know i love my life & there’s nothing to be upset over which is why these thoughts are so distressing to me. i just want to live free from these thoughts like i did about 6 months ago. what should i do because i am seriously so lost on this.

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Hi @dancetothis

I’m sorry you’re having intrusive thoughts, I know what you’re going thru. Mine are mostly images that are too disturbing to describe here, but the same ones have been happening as far back as I can remember. I also have auditory hallucinations (hearing voices).

Do you hear these intrusive thoughts in your own mind’s voice? Or do you hear a different voice?

My auditory hallucinations are never in my own voice (at least I don’t remember them being). They can be someone I know and trust or don’t know. They say pretty much the same thing your intrusive thoughts are saying to you. To hurt myself (including how I will die) and that I’m a monster that everyone hates and just tolerates.

When I have intrusive thoughts, they appear without warning and consume my mind. It takes a LOT of effort to get past them. They appear without warning every time too.

Anyway, I can relate to you 100% and I’ll also encourage you to see a psychiatrist or some type therapy to figure out exactly what’s going on. Especially, if anything I’ve written about my own experiences sounds familiar. I hope you find your answer and get some peace. :hrtlegolove:

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This might not help at all, but I think you should try inducing all your senses with things from six months ago if you want to think like that time. Also, reading books or watching shows might help, since people are usually so indulged in the story line that they pay less attention to themself.

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From: twixremix (Discord)

hey dancetothis! welcome back to the forum, my friend. while it’s a bittersweet welcoming since you’ve returned to a bad mental place, we’re all thankful nonetheless to hear from you. i’m so sorry you’re experiencing such jarring intrusive thoughts. to me, and i’m in no way a doctor, sounds like disassociation but i would love and appreciate it if you reached out to a professional for advice. it’s not an easy task to try and enjoy life, living in the moment, to just be told by your own brain to stop having a good time. i’ve found it helpful for my own intrusive thoughts, which have been similar to your own thoughts, to be combatted with positive affirmations. try hitting the intrusive thoughts back with facts like “this is real. i am real and here and alive.” and working towards re-teaching your brain to not tear you down at every moment. it’s hard though, and can seem almost impossible when these negative thoughts drown out any piece of reality. but i believe in you to train your own consciousness to lift you up rather than knock you down. please reach out if you need anything, okay? we got your back through it all! love, twix

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From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)

Hi Friend Thank you so much for your post, Intrusive thoughts are so nasty, I am fortunate to say that I have rarely experienced them when I have been occupied having a good time, they normally come to me when I am quiet so that must be horrid. Have you been to see anyone regarding this recent decline? not only could they help, it might be worthwhile trying to find out what has caused your health to spiral after 3 years if indeed you don’t know. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Of course you know these thoughts are not true but in the moment they must appear very frightening, do you practice any grounding techniques when this is happening? it may be worth looking into if you havent tried it before. These are just ideas to try. I would certainly enourage talkning to someone though. You do not deserve these dreadful thoughts, I would like you to find the peace you deserve. please stay in touch. Much Love Lisa

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Hi again, its Lisa.This week at Heartsupport is on the theme of Creative Encouragement so as I am not good at drawing but I do like messing around on Paint and I do love to give words of encouragement I have made something for you. I hope you like it. xx
peace and happiness

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