Confusion , what am I going through

Hello im MP,
This is something that may sound weird the way I explain it , but hopefully someone will understand and help me figure out what I’m going through. For many years I have always had this feeling in the back of my head of sadness and depression. This never made sense to me because I really have nothing to be sad about , I have a loving family , friends, and am able to get a higher level of education to one day live my dream of being a police officer. Most days I spend just fine distracting myself, keeping my mind busy , but when ever Im alone I have these thoughts of suicide or self harm. This has had me confused for a while because generally I do find myself to be happy and doing things I want to be doing in life, but other times its like I’ve never experienced happiness a day in my life.
Ive never gone to lengths to actually hurt my self , or take my own life , but I’m worried that maybe everything will build up and I may do something that i’ll regret. I love everyone around me and I’m going to continue to do things in life that makes me happy, but was curious if anyone had any idea whats going on or is this just something we as humans go through ?
All the best MP


Hey friend. Thanks for reaching out. You don’t need to have a reason for depression, it doesn’t just come because you don’t have a good life, it hits anyone. January and the holiday is a pretty tough time for a lot of people, so maybe that’s why now it’s all come to light. If you have a supportive family I would suggest talking to them, getting some doctors advice, or even therapy if that’s an option. You don’t have to be struggling to be in therapy! The more people you have on board the better. I also think joining our community discord and tuning into some of the Twitch live streams might be nice for you - you can make friends going through similar things!

I HIGHLY suggest you get your hands on a copy of HeartSupports Dwarf Planet too. It’s a workbook that help you explore and understand your depression and mood. You can but it on amazon, but if money is an issue you can get it completely free on the HS website… if you can’t afford it and struggle to find the link, don’t hesitate to drop me a message and I’ll get that link for you! (or I will get it and post it here for you when I’m on PC).

Hold fast.

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Hey MP,

First I want to say thank you for reaching out and posting on the support wall, I know how hard it can be to open up about things, and I’m so glad that you found the strength to come and reach out and talk about what you are going through! We are so glad you are here, and we love you and are here to walk along side you through your life.

Unfortunately, as Kayla said sometimes we can’t identify the source of what is making us feel this way, and it’s just there. This time can be rough for people, as the holidays can be stressful, bring up bad memories, or bring up family struggles. I want you to know that you are not alone in this, and we love you and are here for you.

I would also encourage you to go and get a copy of dwarf planet: <— there’s the link for the free copy, if you would like to order one and have it shipped to you free of charge wherever you are at in the world! Just know that you are loved, you are not alone, and we are here for you! Keep your head up and always remember, you are important!

Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,

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Hey friend,

I totally understand how you’re feeling. I felt the same way about my depression before I was diagnosed, like everything in my life was good and I had no reason to be sad. That’s the thing though sometimes there isn’t a reason for depression, which can be really hard. The first step is recognizing how you are feeling and you’ve already done that which is awesome! I would recommend doing some things like journaling, talking to a counselor or friend or meditating. Find someway to engage in self care and cope with how you are feeling.

Hold Fast

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I go through points of absolute happiness, but I will just have this wave of depression. I don’t see a cause, a reason. It ends up growing cause I overthink it. There maybe an unseen expectation that you don’t know that is waying you down. For me I think it’s more I’m happy but I know something will break me, something always breaks me. There is balance and all this joy will be taken, in my past when things were looking good for me shortly after it was all taken away as well as everything related to it. So it’s that fear that causes those feelings.
FInding out what you did that day when you feel that way. Also maybe making a list of things that stress you. Even if you think it’s a little stress or a short amount of stress, put it down. I started doing a Journal everyday so if I do have this wave of feeling great then a terrible day for no reason I maybe able to see “what happened”

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Not having an explainable trigger for depression doesn’t mean that it isn’t real. I’m glad you reached out as this goes dismissed way too often and you were brave enough to share. Thank you for being a good example to the community in honesty and transparency.

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Hey @MP_901 Here is our discussion about your post on our live stream. Hold Fast.


Hey I would say to keep at the least doing the activities you are doing and continue to fill your time with others and positive distractions, so your not concentrated on your thoughts. One way your thoughts can take over your mind is when your all alone and just dwelling on them. I would let someone know about these thoughts, someone you can trust so you can find the right help and so you can stop these depressive feelings. Also, do not stress your self about them getting worse that can lead to a trigger, I say keep eating right, exercising, asking for help, staying around positive and supportive people, and doing things you love. Also, I would recognize somethings in your life that could be potential triggers. You might of already done this but if you have not just think is it a certain time of the month that this sadness occurs or is it after you eat, or did a tragedy you thought you were over but really are not happen.
Most important I like to say a scripture whenever I had thoughts that are negative. I have face times when I personally had negative thoughts that lead me to think its not worth living but I hold onto my faith of God and he never fails even when you dont understand a situation Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
I hope you dont mind Ill drop a few scriptures down below ( Just in case you dont know them)

John 3:16
" For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life"

2 timothy 1:7
“God has not given me the spirit of fear but power love and a sound mind”