Coping with Death

Has anyone ever lost someone and feel like they took a big chunk of your life with them? I lost my dad 6 years ago and I still cry over it anytime I think about it too long. He was my best friend. We literally did EVERYTHING together, but after he passed away suddenly we couldn’t go hunting, go 4 wheeling, or just goof off together to get away from my dreadful family. Suddenly this huge part of my life, especially the things that just he and I did, was just gone and I didn’t know what to do about it. My mom was a good rock to lean on but when she’s waking up at 3 am screaming from nightmares of him dying and you’re the one having to comfort her, sometimes she just wasn’t enough. Sometimes I just wasn’t enough. I haven’t really talked about his death to anyone because I really can’t help but to just bawl my eyes out anytime I ever think about it. I know this event in my life was a huge precursor to me going off the rails when I got to college. I guess I’m just wondering how people even begin to start talking through this kind of stuff with someone cause I know I need to, but damn. 6 years of pent up feelings, especially when you aren’t even quite sure of WHAT you’re feeling, just doesn’t flow out very well.

1 Like

Hey there!

I’m so sorry for your loss. I too lost my father just last year and due to his sudden passing, i was never able to say goodbye. In the months following his death, I started becoming very distant from my family and felt disconnected with my feelings. There were times when I wanted to feel sadness & cry, but couldnt. When I couldn’t, I got angry instead…Beating myself up (emotionally) over for not being there for my dad in his last minutes of life; I’d hit the table with my hands and yell to myself every time I was alone. I’ve gone to grief counseling, but only for one session and it was more for my mom than for myself. However, being there really helped me to talk my feelings out and how my dad’s passing affected me. If you haven’t yet, I’d recommend looking into grief counseling and talking with a therapist about your dad and how his passing has affected your life.

1 Like

@Hope_less I am so so sorry for your loss. I personally haven’t lost anyone that was a major part of my life quite like that but when I lost my gran who I was close to, I was devastated. I was having lucid dreams every night and it was horrendous. I also know know that when I was born my mother and I both nearly died through complications. TO THIS DAY, at 22 years old, my dad constantly tells me it’s my fault he nearly lost my mother. I get the self-blame. I did it for so long before I talked it out with the people here at HeartSupport. You’re not alone in this. Don’t go through it alone. You won’t be able to avoid the grieving process, but you don’t have to be alone through it.
I’m so proud of you for reaching out here though. I haven’t had to go through counselling/therapy for grief but there are specialised grief counsellors that see this everyday, maybe you could try and look in that area? I had to share with a therapist a major event that happened in my life and whenever I tried to speak about it, I would freeze and not be able to make a sound, I was so afraid. I ended up being told I should write it out and show it to my therapist, to start the conversation that way… He could see I was struggling so he would “lead” the conversation… He wouldn’t put words in my mouth or anything, but he would ask me some questions to answer and just let me talk so I didn’t get too overwhelmed trying to talk about it all at once. Maybe you could start by slowly writing it all out? Whether it be here, to someone you trust… Write it out with your mother possibly? Sit and talk it out with her too - you’re both going through this together. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, but know that you’re loved here, we are here for you and we will listen. Take your time - but don’t let it eat you up, you’re worth the healing.

Hold Fast

1 Like

I’ve lost a fair few of my family and also unwantedly lost touch with numerous friends and some family, so I know how very hard it can be.

Hey friend,

I’ve never lost a parent, but I have lost a lot of close friends. I know it hurts and it makes you feel empty. But we can still grow from this.

When my friend Anthont took his own life when I was in high school, we had wristbands made for him that said “RIP Anthony 04/12/2010” on one side and “You’ll always be with us.” on the other.
When I finally came to a point of acceptance, I cut those wristbands off of me and tossed them into and fire. It was my way of allowing himself to finally rest, and allowing myself to move on without a constant reminder strapped to my wrist.

I know that everyone’s scenarios are different, but in the long run, they are very much the same, just different details.

Keep your chin up my friend, find your way to acceptance, never forget, but dont let yourself get dragged down.

  • Nolan
1 Like

I haven’t lost a parent, but I lost 3 of my grandparents in different years but all in the same week… That week is quickly approaching, and I find myself getting more and more numb. My family thinks that sitting in a circle, singing and reminiscing is the best way to go. I’m not that kind of person, I prefer to deal with things alone or maybe with one person to talk to. I’m not sure what I could possibly suggest, because everyone is so different (cliche, I know.) But just know that you are not alone in these struggles! Hopefully we can all find our own ways to manage and start to move along in the grieving process. Good luck and much love <3

Hi @Hope_less,

The truth is that I haven’t lost a parent and I can’t even imagine the pain of that kind of loss, but I remember losing my grandpa and aunt within 3 months of each other because both of them had cancer at the same time. It felt so unreal. Having never even been to a funeral before, I never imagined it would be people so close to me. I still miss my grandpa’s hugs, and think about them frequently. Grief and mourning… sometimes those feelings get bottled up, and it’s okay to be there. I’m just so thankful that you’re okay with sharing with us right now, that you’re taking that step of feeling whatever it is that pours out- that’s hard to do on its own. It must be so stressful to have to comfort your mom too, when you yourself are going through so much. We are here for you, and want to support you through this. We love you so much!

When I read this in chat, I nearly cried, but with happiness! I love the symbolism of both of you fully moving on, and will definitely be trying this! I have a few little knick-knacks from my grandparents that I’ll find myself constantly staring at or thinking about, and it just brings me down. It’s not helpful or healthy, even though those were my intentions in displaying them. Maybe it’s time for me to fully move on, too. <3

1 Like