Cosplaying affection

I have recently parted ways with a lovely human I was in a casual relationship with. He was every bit kind, lovely and caring. He moved away after a few months due to work and I never got the chance to see if we could have been something. I saw his status change on dating apps from “looking for something casual” to “looking for a relationship”. It kinda broke something in me. Had I been in the same space as him would he have considered me?

I dont want to indulge in casual relationships anymore with anyone. People cosplaying affection and intimacy makes me feel like I am not ment to be loved. I am as good as a practice dummy. I genuinely miss talking to him. And it seems to break me every single day.


Hello monty

I know this might be counterproductive to getting over the person you are speaking about, but do you still talk in a friendly manor with this person? Perhaps you could continue to build a friendship with the individual, and who knows what might happen in the future? If they also feel like you are someone they went to have a friendship/or more with. Regardless of this, I think it is natural and perfectly valid for you to not want to have anything casual, and something more serious. Having something with a sturdy foundation, that is lasting is definitely much better then a temporarily casual situation. I do not think you are a practice dummy, or deserve to be made to feel that way. In any way. As for where you can look for these things, I am not sure the best way to do this. I think that a lot of the online dating things, are filled with people “cosplaying affection and intimacy”, and that finding a long-term, sturdy, relationship can sometimes be quite hard. I do however wish you the best of luck in doing so. If you ever want/need to share more, or talk about stuff. We got your back! Hope you can feel a bit better with time, and find what you are looking for.<3

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Hi Monty,

I’d imagine this scenario leaves you with a lot of questions about “what if” and what ifs can make it hard for us to feel like we have closure from a situation. It does seem like something you gained from this scenario is learning a little bit more about yourself and what you want in terms of future relationships. You are now able to identify that casual relationships are not for you and can apply this to your romantic life moving forward.
Your feelings for this person were very real, and it will take time for your heart to heal not just from what happened, but also from what you had hoped would happen, and the thoughts about what could have been. And it is okay to mourn the loss of those things.
Everyone deserves to be loved, and that does include you. I hope that you can find the love you want one day.

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Gosh, @monty, this must have been so heartbreaking. To feel like you have thislevel of affection for someone that just can’t be shared because of the distance. It makes sense to feel hurt and burdened by the awareness that he is starting a new life somewhere else. Somehow, the opportunities we feel like missing in life, the things that don’t happen, also bring a share of grief that we need to deal with. You are mourning what could have been, and that is without a doubt a type of pain that cuts deeply.

From a personal standpoint, I feel inspired and in admiration of the conclusion you’re developing from this situation. You’re not letting it beat you down, but you’re also trying to use it as a growing pain - an experience that could lead you to different decisions moving forward, and meeting your needs differently. Maybe you’ve been through a time of your life when you needed casual relationships, and maybe you are now recognizing that your needs have changed, that you yourself have grown and evolved in your own ways. There is something very strong and beautiful in recognizing the things you don’t want in your life anymore. May this awareness bring you to healing pathways regarding what happened, but also for the future you aspire to build. I wish you peace and healing. :heart:

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I immensely appreciate your kind words. Thank you again :slight_smile:

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