Crying till i sleep

circus_birthday_tradition_by_voodoomagician_dd3t9vz-250t (drawing i did a little while back idk… circus tradition to throw a pie to the birthday person)

I spent the last few hours crying, my heart aches and my eyes burn with a headache, but I’ve stopped and walked out of the bathroom as if nothing had happened, but now i hear my little sister crying. She also believes that we’ll be stuck in this hell forever, a never ending cycle that plays repeat day in and out. We believe we are useless and stupid due to being told so every single day.

I doubt my ability to keep going throughout my dayd, my thoughts or dreams.
For the first time my imagination got the best of me, for i saw myself slashing a knife against my heart.
I only live to work for a circus, but i don’t know what to do to about the hell im trapped in… I’ve heard almost ever insult in the book, I’ve grown numb to it mentally, but it breaks me emotionally as if i was hearing it for the first time.
The circus is the love of my life, its all i can ever dream, talk and speak of, but why am i starting to believe that I’ll never make it into a dream i had ever since childhood… why do i start to say that i’ll never make it come true…
I hate myself i really do, and im come to the point where im not scared to say out loud that im a disappointment.

“Hearts break, they do, and i wish i could die when it happens but unfortunately we don’t.”
~Tim Burton

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I am really sorry to hear what you have been through and what you are going through.

Despite what other people may tell you and the awful things that they may say… you are amazing and have a lot to offer this world

I think it’s awesome that you know what you you love and where you would like to work. It takes a lot of courage to recognize your own dreams. Keep your head up, I believe in you and believe you can make it a reality.

This hell that you are in now (as you put it) won’t be your life forever. Keep your dreams in front of you and keep moving forward and pursuing a life that your want to see. It for sure sucks now and may look hopeless but have faith and stay strong.

This community believes in you and is here for you come whatever!