So today I couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head today and I always thought about cutting myself but never can bring myself to do it,but today I did for the first
time I did just a small cut cause I didn’t want my family to notice, but now that’s all I can think about how I just want to keep doing it.I feel like I’m being selfish towards my family, but its the only thing that get my mind off of my thoughts.im too scared to tell my family cause I don’t want them to worry about me. They think I’m depressed because of the coronavirsus going on, and that I need to get out of the house, but it’s not that, when I do leave the house I just want to listen to music or just go back home to my room.
Right now I feel like I’m being selfish that I’m crying out for help by having my mind set, but I don’t want help that I think, I’m really confused and writing this helps me get this out instead without crying to myself l. Idk what to do cause I don’t want to tell my family.
Hey @Lillian25
It sounds like you’re in a panic about what’s going on right now, and that’s perfectly normal, but I promise you’re not alone, and the fact you’ve only cut for the first time means you can get control of this before it gets too much.
Have you heard of HeartSupport’s book ReWrite? It’s about self harm - helping you to understand it, and work through some journaling activities that will help you identify WHY you feel you need to do it. I think it would be super useful for you to look into.
As for your family… Do they support you? Would they be supportive and help you if you told them you have these thoughts, or would are they not safe people? I think, if you haven’t cut again since making this post, try just talking to them about the fact you’re having thoughts first. Tell them the thoughts of wanting to cut are frequent and you’re asking them to help, they don’t have to know straight away that you did actually cut. If you don’t think they’re safe, try reaching out to a friend.
If you can’t afford it, email [email protected] to say you’re interested in a book, explain the situation to him, and I’m sure he would be willing to help you out.
@Lillian25
I want to start by commending you for reaching out to the community for support. We are all here to listen. I’m so sorry to hear about your new-found experience with self injury. I’ve been battling self injury for many years, and I felt that I should reach out to you. It sounds like your cutting has provided you with some sense of comfort. And although I can relate, it’s worrisome to hear you say you want to do it more. Self injury is a dangerous vice. And although it’s easier said than done, I would urge you to redirect yourself before forming a habit. Just know that you are not selfish, and try not to feel too ashamed. We are all here to support you and provide ideas for distractions etc. You are strong and you can make it through this!
Sending love and well wishes
Eyeless
