Dealing with more self harm than just my own

So, some of you may have heard that I caught my oldest daughter (8) self harming. The day I found out, her biological mother gave her a final goodbye… I am also a self harmer and I’m afraid it’s kind of rubbed off on her. I spent that night holding her and silently crying over her while still telling her that she has me and her papa. She is going through so much with the divorce between her father and I and I know she’s scared I’m just going to be another rendition of her biological mother, and even though I keep telling her I won’t leave… I can’t convince her. She’s leaving bloody trails on the bottom of her feet… I am so lost guys.

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@Phunockery. I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. Keep reaching out to her. Let her know you’re not mad. If she’s had a lot of people leave her she will major trust issues that won’t be fixed overnight. Consistency is something that’s going to be key. You can help eachother through this. Work TOGETHER to cope with the feelings. Learn from eachother.

Hold fast both of you.

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Hey @Phunockery,

I’m so sorry to hear about what’s happening to your daughter. Please let her know that it is NOT her fault. It’s a common occurrence that, when parents separate or a child feels abandoned, the child will tend to blame them-self for what happened, which can lead to a whole sea of depression and anxiety. Be a listening ear for her; let her tell you all about her feelings and be her emotional support. Drill words of affirmation into her, reassuring her that she’s loved and valued. There’s a quote from the movie “The Help” that I love, and that I plan on using consistently with my own children some day - “You [are] kind. You [are] smart. You [are] important.” You’re both very strong. You got this. We believe in you.


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i am so sorry that this is happening , i know things can be hard but it will get better. i have self harmed before but almost did it again last night… this must be so hard on your 8 year old daughter. just let your daughter know that SHE IS WORTH IT… let her know everything will be okay… and let her know you and her father will always be there for her… both of you hold fast friends .



I’m so sorry. I’m so glad you are in her life though. I remember when I told my mom I was self-harming, the best thing she did was just listen and be there. You sound like a great mom and I believe she will come around to you soon enough.

Keep showing her you believe in her and are there.

We believe in you.

Hold Fast,


Her father and I are remaining friends despite the divorce. And while she will no longer be mind legally, she will still be mine in my heart. We’re already making moves to make sure I will get to see her and spend as much time as possible with her and her sister.

Thank you so much for the support and the love. I’ll be sure to keep you guys up to date as things progress. We’ve (my daughter, Bugs we’ll call her, and I) decided one of our first means to help the behavior is to wear socks, because it seems limited to her feet right now. We’ll be working through ReWrite together as well.

Once again thank you so much for the love <3


That’s a tough one you’re both going through. You both are loved and I hope you both find the strength to deal with the situation (in each other maybe?), and that she sees you really mean it when you say you won’t leave.

It’s hard to tell how much someone so young understands about what she’s doing. If there’s anyone she opens up with, it’s important to try to keep this person around for better udnerstanding.

You both are loved.



You are so loved. Please take a couple of minutes to watch this video response I made on Twitch. You can and will get through this. We love you.


This is awesome. Keep up the amazing work Phun. We love you. Rewrite is such an incredible resource.


Thank you so much. Watched this with the Bugs and it made her smile. She now wants to learn how to play ‘I won’t give up’ (we both play guitar), so thank you for also fanning the flames of music passion.