Decisions Not made by me

So this title says it all . Decisions not made by me .
For those who dont know I am 21 (almost 22) still live with my parents, no biggy right? i go to a community college 5 ish minutes from where my mother lives m 10 minutes from where my father lives.
There was several things my father has done WITHOUT my permission .
One of them was the therapist i was seeing . he did that without my permission . He may be my legal guardian but i still have the right to say YES OR NO to them . Fast forward to Saturday July 3rd he sends me a text saying " tomorrow or monday we need to have a video confernce call interview for counseling… should only take about an hour. maybe around 6pm. :slight_smile: " , i ofcourse , responded with " why a conference call interview for counseling . " and another responce of " i would love for whoever it is to come when your traveling , other then that i dont need to see anyone. Mom and i have alot planned." and he asks me what me and my mother have planned , and i didnt respond… Fast forward to now he made me get on the interview with him to meet the guy. the guy is a life coach so yeah … He started asking me questions like what sounds better " yeah or yes" blah blah blah . then he asks me acouple questions . then he asks if i felt comfortable doing stuff online ( for example like classes and stuff) and i said no and he said “we will work on that .” ( my memory is alittle foggy so i may word things differently ) . and i had to explain why i had issues with that . ( i have a learning disorder) . then asked if i was able to sit through meetings for 30-40 minutes and i said yes… another thing is that he picked on my posture towards my father just based on how i was sitting … and asked if i had seen a ciropracter… etc. this whole video conference i just didnt want to happen at all . but now im stuck in , god knows what . IM not happy that my dad did this , and signed me up for " life coach". I wish he would of asked me first before he did stuff without my permission. I wish i was asked before this happened. i just . i dont know anymore.


I know the feeling, I’m 30 and live with my crazy parents. They also try to control every little part of my life and I just snap at them.

Also I struggle too with a learning disability, I was not the best in school and community college was really hard for me. Also I feel people try to make decision for you when you a have a learning disability. Cause they feel you don’t know what best for you. It get annoying.

Again I feel you on this one, cuase parents don’t know how to back off sometime

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Update :
My dad did talk to me after he got a text from my mother , after i broke down on the phone . He did tell me this person wasnt the right person and there should of been someone else there… blah blah blah . he told me something along the lines that i shouldnt have been upset or something like that . i dont remember his exact words but yeah. another thing was me saying yes or yeah shouldnt have been corrected, me learning on line shouldnt be corrected . I shouldnt have to explain what works best for me . that whole conversation shouldnt have happened lastnight . and people shouldnt put/take words out of my mouth when i havent said anything.


Dear @all_around_ashley,

Thank you so much for posting. While I was reading your words, I was feeling a huge, huge frustration growing in me, because damn… this sucks. I’ve been sometimes in a similar position with my parents - them deciding things for me or being too pushy - but they gave up pretty quickly when they realized I ignored them. It’s been also a lot more easy since I live in a different country than them. But I can easily imagine how frustrating it is. This is about your life, your decisions, your right of self-determination. It’s so important to feel respected, to feel like people who love us don’t interfere without permission in our life. They may have the best intentions in mind, the way to proceed is unfortunate and clearly needs a lot more communication on their end before they decide to do anything.

As @Metalskater1990, parents don’t know how to back off sometimes, and we generally need to help them learn before the frustration grows stronger and makes communication impossible. It’s tough because, on their end, they assume what would be right or wrong for you, which is okay, but at the same time they don’t try to discuss that with you, probably because they’d be afraid of never find any agreement. However, a genuine act of love is also to let the people we care about to decide for themselves. Sometimes we make mistakes for sure - we all do -, but at least we learn and grow from them. Deleting these opportunities to explore and empower ourselves is like deleting a possibility for us to simply live and exist. And somehow it brings this whole package of thoughts regarding the trust that your parents might have in you. That’s tough, friend.

I’m really sorry that you’ve been brought at this meeting without hearing about it first, and without having the possibility to decide for yourself at the moment. I imagine how this must feel like being trapped and tricked by people who are supposed to make you feel loved and trusted. I hope with all my heart that in times to come you’ll be able to have some calm yet honest conversations with them. Jsut to let them understand that you understand their fears, but at the same time it would be an act of true love to let you open your wings by yourself. Sometimes parents see us as the little child we were for longer than we would like to, and they need our help to remind them that time have passed and our needs are not the same anymore.

Sending hugs your way. :hrtlegolove:

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Yeah i deffinetly agree with you on this. Communication is always best no matter what. With this instance there was a lack of communication . Its just like asking someone to have a drink of theirs. or to use something of theirs. Doing or having something of theirs without permission is something that would land them in a situation of what would cause a downhill spiral.

^ parents shouldnt never assume is best . yeah as kids they do know as they dont want you to get hurt but as we get old we got to stop having the mentality of trying to assume what we know is best for them cause thats not going to go anywhere besides having them think of a certain image of them self and compare themself to why am i not like them why am i not able to do this and that . We got to learn by our actions. Our actions do have consequences and we are alowed to mess up. Life doesnt have to be perfect at all.

Thank you Micro , i really apreciate you . and yeah i was only told through text without letting him know what i want to do . My mother has been the best with this , my father , well not so much . as you can tell . Growing up I’ve not had the best at my dads. there was moments where i guess have effected me to where trust has became an issue . I mean yeah i trust my dad its just , i cant tell him crap because im afraid of what he would say . and thats due to my grandmother . etc …

With this whole situation i felt like was belittled in ways i shouldnt . one of them was a conversation on what sounds right . Yeah or Yes . I said both . To me both sounded alright due to the fact its all about tone to me and how its said within ones mood . Then it came to when he asked me if i seen a ciaropracter as a kid . and if i remember anything , and my dad explains for what and the dude makes the commet , of ill talk to you later about that ? as i was slouching in the chair because it wasnt the best seating for me at all . like excuse me . he has no right to tare me apart and rip me a new rear end and shape me into something thats not what i feel like is me . any who yeah …

  • Ashley

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