my name is Chris, I am 28.
Through most of my life I suffer from being used when I was a child. I kept this as a secret until my grown up days. Through all these years I felt different, overfragile and depressed.
During my high school I started to suffer from anxiety, I have had a lot of panic attacks, OCD and constantly felt scared.
My life came into the point where I was addicted to drugs and alcohol. I didn’t know any other way to ease the pain. Finally I have stopped eating and sleeping for a week which led me to mental health hospital.
I thought I was cured, but only when I felt better I sarted doing booze and drugs again. Moreover I had access to pills so I was overusing them too.
There was a day when I almost passed away, and this was a time when I realized that I have two options- get over all these habits or die.
I started from rebuilding my spirituality and relationship with God. Having lot of support from family helped me overcome addictions. I stay clean for like 3 years (I only do CBD for therapy manner).
Last three months I spent on throwing medicines, becouse I have compleated my therapy, and I failed.
I have been addicted to all these drugs but these medicines (paroxetine) are just the worst nightmare. I am feeling like a wreck with no power or will to do anything.
Moreover I am having this prob of spiritual manner. I can’t help to stop thinking about it obssesively. I found myself in the point when I wanted to find a church to help me rise in my relationship with God. It happened like I didn’t fit to any of these congregations (Catholic and Charismatic) and there is no other option in my area. I live in a small city in Poland. I started to blame myself that I can not fit and what if God is mad on me? I have never been religious but always spiritual. I am trying to prove that I am worth the Offering of Christ, and I am trying to follow him leaving fruits of love compassion, forgiveness and compassion. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t look for perfection. I just can’t close my eyes on thing which I consider as watering down the faith which is the most important thing in my life. Maybe I am pushing to hard with forcing myself?
Well this is the short story of mine.
Thank you guys and have a good day.