This is my second post on this forum, and I have no idea what to do. I met this amazing girl and we both fell very hard for eachother, a few weeks into our relationship we found out she was pregnant. A few more weeks pass and we found out we lost the baby. Since then I’ve been devastated. She has not been the same at all. It’s like I’m a complete stranger and she wants nothing to do with me. Hardly talks to me, won’t show any affection whatsoever. So through all of this I have been completely alone. I feel like I didn’t just lose a baby but that I also lost her and I don’t know what I did to feel this way. With all of this happening it’s brought up a lot of past issues with depression and anxiety. I feel like I’m running out of options on how to handle the way I feel and with my job I don’t have many options to begin with. I don’t know what to do.
I’m so sorry that the two of you have gone through this. Both of you are grieving. Some people find it very difficult to be around others during the most acute stage of grief. It may take some time for her to be ready to be around others, or consider romance.
You mentioned that she hardly talks to you. Does that mean she’s okay having you around? If so, maybe the best thing you can do is simply be present. Sometimes, words interfere when nonverbal loving presence is the only thing that can be accepted.
It would certainly be appropriate for you to seek therapy or counseling. You do need someone who you can talk to, so you can express the feelings that she isn’t receptive to hearing about. If money is a problem, try calling 211 to see what affordable services are offered in your area.
Grieving is a process that most of the time becomes manageable, but suppressing it or rushing the process isn’t helpful. Be patient with yourself and her.
From: ManekiNeko
hey Justin, thanks for sharing with us. I’m so sorry for both of your loss. I can’t imagine how hard it’s impacted you both. Sounds like her way of grieving is to shut down and maybe she doesn’t know what to do with those intense emotions. Have you at all been able to talk to her about how you’re feeling? Maybe even writing it down. You never know it might be that she also feels alone and doesn’t know what you’re also going through. Another idea could be some grief counselling for you both. Someone to facilitate a safe environment for you both to share how this is affecting you and to be able to discuss what you need from each other. Sending you a lot of love x
From: prryplatypus
Hey Justin, I’m sorry for your loss. We all handle grief differently; some of us cry around the corners while others internalize it and “fully shutdown”. Some of us need years to make it through these situations, while others just need weeks. It’s important that you give her what she needs through these hard times. It’s not easy to figure out what one needs when they’re not communicating much about how they feel, but don’t give up on it. Keep trying to communicate with her: tell her what you’re noticing with her, what scares you and what worries you about it. We can only bottle things in for so long, and sometimes all that’s needed is someone to take the “bottle’s” cap off for everything that’s been bottled in to start pouring out. Just make sure that you don’t overwhelm her much. If she says she needs space, give it to her - ask her what she needs. Communication is key in these situations.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking to lose your child. Speaking from personal experience, that is a pain that never truly goes away. As you said you’re feeling devastated. So is she. That loss can be overwhelming and cause a person to become withdrawn which is normal. For a woman it feels like our body betrayed us, that the universe wronged us, and the weight of all of it can feel soul crushing and isolating. It’s important you keep being there for her, keep communicating with her and be open and honest about how you’re feeling. Let her know and show her you’re there for her. Be patient with her because it will take time. Be patient with yourself too and allow yourself to grieve and feel. Grief counseling can help you both with navigating those feelings and how to talk to each other about it as well. It will still hurt, but with time the pain will ease. Wishing you both healing and peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a child is heartbreaking. You said it yourself, you’re devastated. So is she. I’m saying this from personal experience, it hurts a lot and it’s a pain that never really goes away. When that kind of loss happens it is understandable to become withdrawn because the grief is overwhelming.