Depression, Anxiety, Addiction... Towards Healing

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Hey all :wave:

I used to have an account on this forum a few years ago, but I lost the login info. This forum is supportive, and I appreciate y’all being here.

I decided to come back, because I am struggling. I think it’d be helpful to at least myself to write about my struggle, and maybe to someone else too. I’d appreciate any feedback or encouragement :revolving_hearts:

I’m struggling to overcome my addiction to smoking weed. I think it’s not helping at this frequency. I’m just kicking the can down the road for a moment, making matters worse. But I feel it’s excusable due to how much pain my body in.

I think the key to overcoming my addiction is by caring for this body I’m aware of. I think I need to breathe, in through my nose, slowly, and out even more slowly through my nose or mouth. It helps when I hum or sing. I hold my breath a lot, and it leads to a lot of my anxiety. I enter this state of freeze and anxiety due to a history of traumatic neglect from myself and from my family. I was emotionally alone, and I learned to neglect what I felt and push through to what was labeld “right.” I was discouraged from listening to myself. I continued this self neglect by working behind a computer for many years.

Overcoming my depression and anxiety, and my bodily discomfort is not as simple as breathing slowly through my nose, but I’ve seen it helps a lot. It calms me and gives me more energy and clarity. However I believe that in order to heal my trauma, I must rewrite my narratives, and I must feel to heal. I have developed a lot of respect for narrative therapy and somatic therapy. They work for me, but maybe not as well for others.

I’m here to express what’s going on. There’s not an AA or ACA group around me that can respect an agnostic, but I have seen that this group can. I think there is healing through being honest to a group of human beings. I’m here taking my own life into my hands… looking to others for reflection, empathy, and perspective, but ultimately I take responsibility for my own life, my own healing, and my own feelings.

Thanks for reading/listening,
Namaste :sloth:

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Hey @TrentII

Welcome back! I’m glad you chose to share your story with us <3

I know you mentioned the weed smoking and how its excusable in terms of how much pain your body is in. Is it more of like a pain cuz of anxiety or could it be something like an injury? Because if it was the latter, it could be something that can be treated with alternative methods as well. While quitting cold turkey might be ideal, some people find it easier to gradually reduce their weed use. This could involve limiting smoking times or quantities.

And I’m glad that you’re continuing the narrative and somatic therapy! You’re right, it may not be perfect for others, but that goes with any kind of therapy. Part of the initial struggle is finding the right kind of therapy that can help you. Sticking with these therapies is a powerful step towards healing.

And I wouldn’t even say you’re taking responsibilities for your life, healing and feelings. You’re on the road to taking them back. Only you are the author of your story, and it seems like you’re so close to that turning point, and I hope you keep us updated on where your story takes you.

Hold fast, you’ve got this!

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First of all, I just want to give you a standing novation for taking charge of your life and taking the necessary steps to overcome your addiction and for being proactive when it comes to your mental health. It is brave people like you that allows others to feel comfortable when it comes to opening up about the struggles they are facing. Based on all the things that you have done to help yourself it shows me that you can overcome any obstacles that comes your way.

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Thank you for taking the time to hear me out and offer your validation and encouragement. It means a lot just being seen, but I also feel a good deal of compassion and care in your message and @sbrent’s. It feels beautiful to me :revolving_hearts:

I wish I had more confidence on the sources of my bodily discomfort and how best to address it. I’m working on dedicating more of my consciousness to somatic awareness (essentially mindfulness), and not distracting myself so much through work and thought. I suspect it may be a mix of present & past bodily neglect as well as chronic & intense anxiety/physical clenching while awake and sleeping.

I don’t know why my physical discomfort (largely back, neck, legs, chest… sometimes face, chest, and hands go numb and/or tingle if I’m especially neglectful and/or anxious) seems to be so much worse than those around me, as we all tend to be so distracted with work and computers. I don’t think any past bodily injuries are still causing this, though it’s possible there’s a genetic component as well.

That was a nice question to reflect on, thanks for the opportunity! I do think paying more attention, and giving more care and love to my body is essential to overcoming my addictions, as I think weed (and games/TV/thinking/working, even during periods that I’m not using weed) are what I often turn to temporarily escape my chronic discomfort, kicking the can down and often making matters worse :frowning_face:

And I wouldn’t even say you’re taking responsibilities for your life, healing and feelings. You’re on the road to taking them back.

I think I’m hearing that in your perspective I’m not completely responsible for my life, healing, and feelings yet, but on the road to taking them back. I think I’m aligned with that, and that’s actually quite a helpful distinction to consider, but I just wanted to ask to see if I misunderstood?

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Thank you for validating that not only it’s okay to express my struggle with discomfort and addiction, but also that it can be helpful for others too to share my story. Sometimes I feel quite ignored/shunned when I express myself, but receiving validation and support occasionally, like your message, makes a world of difference for me. Thank you :revolving_hearts:

Also I appreciate your reflection of what you saw as my strength and ability to confront and overcome this. That felt empowering, resonated with me, and I’m feeling more confident and capable right now after hearing that.

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I am so glad that my message served as an inspiration to you, I truly believe in you, and I hope that you continue to spread your bravery and tell others about the struggles you are encountering. The world is filled with enough people that are keeping quiet about their struggles, it is time for people to speak up and let other people know that they are not alone in their struggles.

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