So on Friday I got the letter from social security over disability. I recently had a court hearing over disability and I am already on SSI so that is one support but it isnt the full support of our state offers. This letter was the determination I had been hoping to get soon. Sadly it was not the answer I was hoping for. Sadly it was found unfavorable for the major type of disability and the reasons were so way off. I have been feeling at such a loss. I was so confident in the chances that I would be able to get it and my lawyer proved to beyond a point that I was unable to do the jobs that had been suggested. I am marked as disabled under the same ways of finding people disabled so I dont get it. I feel as if what I am fighting for is just useless. I had multiple of the doctors quotes were not what happened in the sessions with them. They lied and claimed things that didnt happen like one was that I didnt even come to the appointment with a sight cane but I had they guy even asked to see it so I got it out for him. I walked out of his office with it and using it. I went to other doctors appointments for them with it and used it. Also it was like seriously you SAW MY SIGHT CANE (a cane for the blind aka me). It was so stressful to realize that I didnt get approved over things that were claimed but not true. I was trying so hard to get what I needed and now it feels like people are stopping me from a huge need and a big goal to help me be able to do other things in my life. I was counting on that disability to be able to survive basically like needs. Now I dont have that. I have struggled for a long time to accept stuff. To accept that I cant do this. To accept that I am seen for the needs I have. I have been stressing over the fact that even for someone that is in medical fields my health and my things are unseen. It has been horrible on me mentally because I really want to be able to support myself to be able to be enough and this just hurt me. I feel like something large I have been fight for over 3 years ended again in a bad way. Maybe I am just keeping myself in a place that wont change but yet I am more than others think I am. I have been struggling since Friday when I got the letter from them. I am struggling to feel like I am seen. It isnt an easy thing to ask myself what direction now. I am very disheartened honestly.
I dont know my next step and I hate that. I also dont know what this means for the future and the fact I cant have a good enough income to go far. I have been struggling to not be extremely sad and down and just keep fighting. On Friday I just wanted to give up completely. Maybe I dont deserve to be any better. It has been a very big struggle on me. Thank you for reading what most wont understand and I am grateful for that.