TW// sexual assault
Im so sorry for using this so much about the same problem. I just don’t know what to do and I need some reassurance that i’m making the right choices. As I said before I gave my aunt a note that told her that I am scared for her child’s safety. Her husband is a creep and has touched me and done other stuff to me as a child and I don’t want that little girl growing up with that father. This isn’t the first time I’ve told my aunt about him either but she chose to ignore the first time. I gave her the note a while ago and she hasn’t said or done anything. I’m so conflicted about emailing or messaging her. I’m so scared of what the outcome will be. I don’t want her to go into debt or something because his source of income is also gone. I don’t want her to hate me although she probably does so maybe that doesn’t matter. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I’m willing to bring it up to my other family members. I have a job doesnt pay well but I’m willing to give my aunt some money to help her out because i’m ruining her family. I know I shouldn’t keep blaming myself but honestly I can’t stop. I keep thinking that maybe if I told someone sooner this child wouldn’t even be here to endure such a crappy world. Honestly my mental health has been declining and I’ve been thinking of hurting myself again and I shouldn’t. I haven’t let myself give in yet but what’s the point. Although this isn’t about me it’s about the child still. Should I message my aunt? If she does nothing or says nothing should I just tell someone else instead?
Hey @lemon,
I’m glad you keep reaching out when you need it. Please don’t feel any obligation to apologize for posting here. Supporting each other during rough and challenging times is all about this place is for. We’re in this together. 
You are incredibly kind and caring. I really want to emphasize the fact that the decisions you’ve made, and the fact that you want to help your aunt so much, is incredible brave and loving at the same time. It’s far from being nothing. You are such a beautiful soul and I want to encourage you through all of this to also take care of yourself. Not only all of this bring painful memories back, but also it challenges once again your perception of this world, of the idea of justice itself. As a survivor of sexualt assaults, I recognize what you say and how you feel. And it absolutely makes sense that you are willing to give all your energy, strength and vulnerability in helping this child to have a chance you didn’t have when you were young.
You know it already, but what will happen to this family is not your responsibility nor your fault. You have done so much more than probably anyone else. Your aunt, in this situation, will need to make her own decisions too. If she decided to ignore the first time, it might be different this time. But it can be a slow progress. It has to be very conflicted to build a family with the person you love and learn about what they did to someone you love too. Denial is hard to break down. And unfortunately, it can’t be forced. It has to come from her. You, on your end, can only make the circumstances better for that.
Do you think the money is something that would keep her back from eventually leaving this person? Because otherwise, you don’t owe to help financially. You are not breaking their family. This person who had hurt you did it. He is responsible. He is the one who would cause any repercussion in the present because of what happened in the past. None of this was or is your fault. As for the financial part also, I’d like to encourage you to see if you could have an opportunity to talk to your aunt first. Just to try to see if you can have an echo of what’s going on in her mind since she got your note. Depending on how she’s currently dealing with it, suggesting to help her financially could also be perceived as something pushy and not welcomed. So I’d say: little by little. Try not to force anything. It’s so hard to kind of “wait and see”, but if changes there is, it will have to come from her. Maybe let her know that you understand that this might be difficult. But also that the door is open when she’d like to talk. That your intentions are genuine and you can find a way, together.
As for talking about it to someone else, I’d say it depends. First, it would be important to talk about it to someone for yourself. You have inner wounds to process too. I’d like to encourage you to talk about this situation with a counselor. Just having another space than here where you could talk about it in total confidentiality, without any judgment, could be of a tremendous help for you. This is a tough situation that you were not prepared to face. It’s okay to be supported through all of it.
We love you. We care about you. As much as you care about this childs future and your aunt. You are making right decisions. Please don’t forget yourself too. Your heart is precious.
Hey @lemon
I am a sexual assault crisis counselor in the State of Connecticut. I talk to people about this stuff all the time. If you would like a safe friend to talk with, I am available. I can talk you through some of your feelings and even help you find resources if you want to report to the police about your own assault. Up to you. Do not feel obligated to reach out. I just care about you and your situation and want to offer my help. Let me know.
Sarah K
Hey Lemon,
AmandaRuthArt responded to your post live on stream today with some amazing words of encouragement.
Here is a link to the video for you to hear her response
This means a lot and I’ve been really taking all responses into consideration. Thank you.
I think I would like that.
Awesome! Do you have Discord?
lemonheart#3602 is my discord
Sent you a friend request
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