Lately Im starting to think that not “Every pot has a lid” and not “Every person has his group of people”.
Im a 31 years old guy, my life has honestly just been a down hill every since I finished school at 18.
While on the professional side Im doing quite well, it feels like I lost my purpose in life.
At 18 I sort started to feel like the group of friends I had is not my “cup of tea” anymore, and slowly we started drifting apart and I havent made any new friends since.
Havent even tried dating since I got dumped by my girlfriend 5 years ago, felt like I dont want to be with myself so how would someone else want to, and that I got dumped for a good reason, women are social beings, what woman would want to be with someone who mostly hates people and prefers to be home 99% of the time?
If I didnt have a family I probably would have killed myself a long time ago but I cant do that to them.
The interesting thing to me though, is that I wouldnt do it out of depression, if you ask how I am, a quote from the show “House MD” comes to mind, “Im fine, Im just not happy”.
Its the realization that 99.99% of us are just here to pass the time, not specific goal in mind or something, just… being, and Im thinking, what am I waiting for? You have no more goal in your life, no one is going to want to spend their life with you and have kids so what are you waiting for? Just sitting here, bored, waiting to die while having to do all the annoying stuff life demands like paying bills and crap like that?
Not sure why Im here, maybe its a cry for help, maybe I just wanted to talk to people that have been through/are going through hardships, I dont know.
What do you guys think? Are there people out there who just dont fit society?
@WhatIsItAllFor
There was a Ziggy cartoon that I carried around for awhile that said; "I was born for a world that doesn’t exist. "
I thought it was the most appropriate description of my life that I had ever heard.
I’ve felt like a fish out of water my whole life, but I’ve accepted I’m a fish out of water at this point, so my life is easier.
The disconnection that you feel is more concerning to me.
I’d encourage you to reflect on what you’re saying here, “mostly hates people”… there is some reason you feel this way, and it may be worth exploring.
In your post you discuss loss of friendships, your girlfriend, and it seems like these were painful things that happened to you. It may be that you need to address some issues you have, but I’d like you to consider that relationships end for many reasons, for instance, you’ve changed since you were 18, to drift apart from friends you had years ago happens quite a lot. One thing for certain relationships involve risks, and often times, rejection and pain, but they also involve connection and love. Only you can decide if love and connection is worth the risks to you.
I understand you may feel this way, but in reality, how can you know what 99.99% are here thinking or doing. I realize you can’t, but it’s a pretty harsh statement about others, followed by harsher comments about you. I hope you SEE how your thoughts are affecting your outlook, and not in a positive way.
There are people who don’t fit in society, but those people are not the ones here asking if they fit, they are not seeking friendship and love. Give yourself permission to be different, give yourself permission to be YOU, and I hope you, in turn give others permission to be themselves. Be a force for good, your own as well as others. That is our purpose. Keep courageously reaching out and sharing yourself . Peace
Hey @WhatIsItAllFor,
Thank you so much for being here. 
What do you guys think? Are there people out there who just dont fit society?
Personally, I believe that it’s our society that don’t really fit people. The growing amount of burn-out, depression, anxiety, loneliness, poverty (…) shows how much it’s actually hard to live in this wild world. Even people who seem to be very included in our society, or in their groups/communities, can feel very isolated at the end of the day and cry so they could get some sleep.
Does that mean that some people don’t belong? I don’t think so. I actually don’t believe in general statements when it comes to people’s individuality. Feeling like we belong is a feeling before anything else. And as for any other feeling, it’s the result of a complex combination between our story, our character, our present, our environment, our hopes for the future as well. It’s a unique experience felt by unique individuals, so I don’t believe in the possibility to apply a general rule as if people were doomed to feel that way for the rest of their life.
I’ve felt like you do, I still feel like you do, yet it is for different reasons and while holding a different story than yours. But I’ve also noticed through the years how much this feeling of belonging depends on the circumstances I’m surrounded by.
There are people who make me feel like I belong when I spent time with them… because time stops, because my anxious mind is more at peace, because it feels like the future is safer.
There are activities that make me feel like I belong, because it’s meaningful to me, because it resonates with my heart, because it has a positive impact on people around me.
There are places that make me feel like I belong, because it feels familiar to me, because it makes me feel safe, because I’ve noticed things about them that people who just come by for a few hours wouldn’t see.
There are moments and memories that make me feel like I belong, because when I think about it it brings a smile to my face, because I’m aware that it’s mine, and no one else owns it.
Just like there are people, activities places and moments that make me feel depressed and worthless. Like I don’t fit, like I have zero qualities or skills, like I’ll never be able to be a “normal” and functioning human being.
Were those people, activities, places and moments that make me feel like I belong always part of my life? Of course not. When we feel like we don’t belong, especially since a very young age, and especially if others made you feel that way (rejection, abuse, grief…), then learning to notice the things that make you feel like you belong is a learning process. It takes willingness too. It’s about daring to give yourself some credit and the possibility to embrace the opportunities that this life can offer to you.
There’s this quote of Thoreau: "What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates his fate.”. It’s tough, but it’s also, in other words, how can be defined self-fulfilling prophecies. If we believe that we are worthless or we don’t belong, then we’ll live according to that thought. We’ll close doors we actually wanted to open. We’ll shut down our heart to people we actually wanted to love. We’ll sabotage ourselves before even trying.
You’ve been through a lot, and you had objectively your share of disappointment and grief in this life. That’s how tough and unfair life can be. But there is something similar to self-sabotaging when we decide that what we lost is a dead end for our soul, because it’s not. I’m not saying that it’s easy to heal a broken heart. Not saying it’s easy to learn to see the beauty within us while we feel like nothing. Hell, it’s a scary process. Still there is beauty in the very fact of trying.
I believe you are 100% worthy of putting yourself out there, of immersing yourself in this world, of wandering as much as you need until you find the people, activities, places and moments that fill your heart with a sense of belonging. You are worth the efforts it takes to learn to build that trust within yourself and with some parts of this world. We don’t have to like it entirely, we don’t have to live a 100% meaningful life. But still, we can find things and people in this world that have this way to make us feel alive. That’s what I wish for you right now, with all my heart.
PS - Just recalled a poem of W.Whitman that I’d like to share with you. I hope it will resonate with your heart as it does with mine.
"Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse."
You may contribute a verse, friend. You already are, by sharing this here.
I hope you’ll keep giving yourself that chance regardless of how many hardships this life can manifest to you.
Hi there, welcome to Heart Support.
I’m pretty much the same. I didn’t have a lot of friends on school anyway. Like you, I was abused growing up. I was very quiet and introverted, I didn’t trust people and I wasn’t interested. I just wanted to get my stuff done and go home so I could lock myself in my room. I did have a couple of friends who lasted a while. One fell out of my life a few years after high school and one stuck around until a few years ago (I am your age) when it just seemed to me that we are too different anymore and we just don’t hang out. It’s not that she is a bad person, I have just changed so much since high school we just don’t gel anymore, and that’s fine. I don’t think we should have a certain number of friends or whatever. Im like you also, I don’t seek to make friends. If it happens in my day to day life, that’s cool, but I don’t set out on a given day to try to make friends. I am content with the people in my life, which is not many because it means less drama.
Ok, so 1) I absolutely believe that we need to love and accept ourselves before we can do that for someone else, so good on your for making that realization. It is never too late to change. But 2) this is a huge generalization. I am a female and have known other females who, like me, do not want to socialize, much less all the time. I am a textbook introvert. I don’t like small talk, I think bars and clubs are pointless and people drain me like no other. I have no interest in your average person and their social drama, they can keep it. I prefer to be home all the time and play PS4 when I’m not working and yea, to tell you the truth I don’t really like people either so suffice it to say this assumption you are making could be stopping you from actually meeting someone that you can get along with. Just a thought.
I also think this is inaccurate.
For a long time my main focus was on my work because I was very much dissatisfied with what I was doing and it didn’t even pay well, so I eventually went back to school and switched fields. Now, I love my job and I get paid well enough to support my family an that, to me, means I am successful on the job front. Now I’m trying to focus on making my house the way I like it as we just bought it so I’m loving decorating it how I want it. Beyond that I want to have kids and provide for them while also staying active in my crafting hobbies and focusing on myself for once. So I have lots of goals in life, they just aren’t in the career front so much anymore. Perhaps what your feeling is stagnation and maybe you should look into making some goals, even if they aren’t for your professional life.
I think that life in itself is pointless but I also think that gives us all a responsibility for us to give our lives meaning. Mindset has a lot to do with how life unfolds and presents itself to us and I choose to make my life meaningful and worth living. And it truly is really about the journey because once you reach the end, it’s game over. So do what you can to enjoy the journey. There is no End Game.
As for fitting in to society - to quote Mr. Robot - fuck society.
I don’t think we should EVER live our lives trying to fit in with anything or anyone that doesn’t make us happy. There is something out there that will make you happy if you stay open minded and understand that life is what you make it. If life is stale, fix it, it’s not going to happen for you. But who cares about fitting in with society? Why does THAT even matter?
Hi @WhatIsItAllFor,
The HeartSupport Houston team responded to your post here. We hope our presence and support help you. Hold Fast friend, and lean on our community.
And here is a link to Billy’s book that I reference in the video.
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