So… I guess you can say most external things are going well with all things considered… I still have my job, I’ll be sharing my step 2 this week and I’ve been to America and heading to Berlin within less than a month of each other…
Thing is, even when I’m not in the house, the abuse from my family continues. On the phone, over text, you name it, they’re on there. I’m starting to feel that maybe moving out isn’t going to solve anything and that it’s just gunna be the same thing - the only difference being that there’s no one in my way of self harming.
I thought that once the work situation was resolved I would be doing better, but, I’m not… not at all. I just feel like suicide is the only way out for me… if that’s not an option, then I will just go back to being high all the time. Is it going to be worth my time moving out? Am I really going to ok? Does anyone truly believe in me?
I keep praying to God every night for any type of help in finding these answers, but, as much as he is providing all the other answers, He seems to be keeping those from me. I just need someone to be with me - to tell me it’s going to be okay. Instead I get told I’m pathetic and an attention seeker - but maybe that’s what my life is supposed to look like?