Hello, first post on here, have never really written on a forum before. First time I talk about my mental health ever so it will probably be all over the place.
So, I’ve been feeling the loneliest I have been for about 6 years now. I have family, I have friends out of state, decent job, I go to the gym often, but even then I can’t connect with anybody and feel like I’m isolated from everyone around me. I feel like I’m going to have a mental breakdown because I don’t have anyone to talk with about my mental health and I don’t even know what I would talk about if I ever do because I have never had that before.
I tried to crash into a tree on my way home from work to end it but couldn’t do it. Now, I think most days whether I should’ve went through with it or not because I had thought about suicide once before when I was possibly going to be the father of a kid, I’m not empathetic with people, I haven’t accomplished much, I feel like I’m boring to people, and I push everyone away because I feel like I’m not good or interesting enough.
I’ve tried meditating but it’s not my thing. The gym helped at first mentally but now I only feel good while I work out, afterwords I just feel like trash. I’ve tried to journal, but nothing comes to mind for me to write. I can’t afford therapy right now.
I don’t know what I need. I just want to feel normal.
Glad you’re still here, man! I know you mentioned that you currently don’t have the funds for therapy, but have you looked for a therapist that offers a payment plan? I recently began looking for a couples counselor and found that some offer payment plans for couples that don’t have insurance. Also, I’d like to point out that while you may think you’re boring to people, what people think about you, doesn’t matter! What matters is what you think about yourself! If you’re up for the challenge, I encourage you to journal what you like about yourself or what you are good at. For instance, you mention that you go to the gym and that you have a good job - those are some things you should be proud of!
Another thought I have to share with you is googling something like: things to do that don’t require a therapist. Just take a look at that and see what kind of ideas pop up. Recently, my therapist mentioned that music is so powerful to our mental health. Do you have a favorite band that makes you feel good? Play them while you work out and listen to them consistently.
Welcome to HeartSupport, we’re so glad you’re here <3
@nohellyfitness has some good points. Music is a great way to help, because it can invoke emotion no matter what you’re feeling. For me, if i’m feeling depressed or down, I tend to listen to artists like the Deftones, Killswitch Engage, Twenty One Pilots and Lana Del Rey. If I need a pick me up I tend to go with stuff like Ren, Ghost Inside, and Spiritbox.
Meditating and journaling can help some people, but when it comes to treating mental wellness, it’s not for everyone. Some things work better on others, that’s for sure. You mentioned going to the gym often. That shows discipline and dedication. What other strengths do you have? Write them down and remind yourself of them when you’re feeling down.
Remember, feeling “normal” can look different for everyone. It’s about finding what works for you and building a life that feels fulfilling. Don’t give up on yourself. There is help available, and things can get better. While you mentioned not being able to afford therapy right now, there are resources available to help. Here are a couple to get you started:
NAMI has a helpline that can connect you with mental health resources in your area, including low-cost or free options (https://www.nami.org/Home)
No matter what, you always have support. It may not be evident or obvious right away, but you’ve got us by your side throughout this journey as well. You’ve got this!
I am truly sorry to hear that you are struggling with your mental health. I want you to know that you are interesting and that you have so much to offer the world and that the world needs the gift that you have been given. So, keep doing the things that helps you fight for your mental health and remember that you have what it takes to overcome this war called mental health.
I am so sorry to hear that you are not feeling great. I am so happy you reached out to us. Thank you for being vulnerable and honest. You are very brave; It is not easy to express these thoughts out loud. I relate to you more than you know. I have often felt boring to others, and that no matter what positive things I had going on, I still felt unfulfilled. For some people, admitting that things are bothering them is almost impossible, so the fact that you are self-aware is already such a great step.
I want to echo @djstarion’s suggestion to explore NAMI and their various resources. I know from my own experience how difficult it can be to find affordable and accessible therapy options. BetterHelp is another website that can offer virtual therapy sessions at a more affordable cost.
I am glad you have tried meditation and journaling. While these are great methods for people to destress and organize their thoughts, they are not for everyone. And that’s completely fine, we can explore other options that will suit you better! Going to the gym is a great way to boost endorphins, but I have found lower-impact workouts really calm me down and make me feel great. Long walks, yoga, or stretching are my favorites, but if that’s not your thing, maybe you could try rowing/cycling at the gym.
At my lowest points, I would force myself to try something new or teach myself a new skill. This really helped me feel accomplished and motivated each day. This could be something simple like doodling, drawing, teaching myself how to perfectly shoot a basketball, or jogging.
I know this is all so much easier said than done, so be patient with yourself and know that you have so much more resilience than you think. I believe in you. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please feel free to respond in this thread or private message me. We are always here for you <3