I’ve been having dreams about things that have happened and things I thought is forgotten. If I admit exactly what happened and actually talk to someone about it all then it’s real and not just a nightmare. I don’t want to have to deal with it anymore and don’t really want to be around anymore. I’m sorry for sounding really stupid and selfish.
You’re not selfish or stupid at all by want to talk about this. Maybe not the content of the dreams, based on what you said, but maybe how you feel all and all about it, and what you want to do from here. I’m no expert, but maybe it would be good to talk about what’s going on and figure out what to do. But if there’s anything you don’t wanna share, don’t feel forced to share it. Share what you’re comfortable sharing about this, and we’ll all help you best we can!!!
There’s nothing in what you said that would sound stupid. It’s not your fault if you’re having those dreams and are reminded of things you didn’t want to think about. And it’s actually really brave to come here and say it. Thank you so much for taking the time to share all of this, friend.
I hear that those memories are particularly difficult for you right now and it’s understandable that you’d like to run away from it, if not from everything. But you know that’s not a solution. Talking about what happened is a key for healing, but it still has to be done when you’ll feel ready for it. By putting words on what happened, you’ll be in a position of empowering yourself, of feeling more in control and less overwhelmed, for example by your dreams. Though it’s okay to take your time. There is no rush, no pressure, no due date when it’s about your heart. Those things take time. And it makes sense to be afraid of making it more real through the words you could use.
If you want to talk about it a little more here, know it’s a safe place to do so. You wouldn’t be judged. Just an invitation though - again, no pressure. We’re just standing by your side and are willing to support you, friend. You’re not alone. You don’t have to deal with this on your own.
It’s just getting to be a lot and I don’t think talking about anything is going to help at this stage. Who do I even say it all to, strangers online or a therapist? Every time it looks like progress is made then it all comes around again. The stupidest thing is that putting all this out there makes it seem like a cry for help. Because if people are serious about hurting themselves or ending their life, they don’t publicly announce it on an open forum right? There’s a lot of decisions to make now.
Because if people are serious about hurting themselves or ending their life, they don’t publicly announce it on an open forum right?
People do both. And even if someone reaches out without really meaning their desire to hurt themselves, they are still in a position of asking for help and saying that something’s wrong. Even what some call “attention seekers” are actually saying something important themselves. It might just be a little more between the lines, so they need to learn how to express it differently. You probably heard about stories of people who reached out online and others didn’t take them seriously - or even pushed them to hurt themselves because of this reason -, which often becomes a real tragedy.
A lot of people who hurt themselves do reach out, directly or not, but still express their pain at some point. It takes a lot of strength to reach out, even if it’s messy and even if we’re really lost when we do it. Sometimes it even feels like a sacrifice because you have to give up - at least temporarily - on the deep beliefs you can have about your life and yourself. Though it’s important to fight them when they are lies. I understand what you mean with those questions. But I think it stems out of a belief that reaching out would be weak, or at least, not for you. It might also be a way to diminish the importance of what you feel, like a wall to protect yourself, which I understand and respect too.
We all need others help or support at some point, friend. And that’s okay. I know it’s hard to talk. I really do. I’ve been seeing a therapist this year and everytime I have an appointment I just want to cancel it until I’m in the room with her. Before I go there, I always think as you do right now. That it’s not worth it, that I’m not doing that bad, that I can handle this by myself, that I should just hide away and disappear in silence. I start to imagine the lies I could tell her to cancel our appointment and I’m not proud of it. But everytime I manage to go there and our appointment is done, I feel a huge sense of relief for having this safe space where I can be myself, without any limitation. It is worth it. As much as it is scary. And it’s probably because it’s uncomfortable that’s it’s actually worth it. Our comfort zone can be made of pain and silence. It’s okay to learn to step out of it at our own pace.
Who do I even say it all to, strangers online or a therapist?
It could be both. A therapist can provide you things that strangers can’t give you, and vice versa. A lot of people in this community are doing both at the same time. Seeing a therapist is a good step to be able to work on yourself in a safe place. To have some kind of accountability and ways to actually acknowledge your progress. But as it can be a scary journey, it can also be good to have a community by your side in which you can share your doubts, concerns, fears and progress. I had to share my story here before I was even able to think about therapy again. It wouldn’t have been possible in the other direction, but that’s really different for everyone.
In any case, what matters is to make right decisions for you, for your well-being. You deserve to heal and find the peace you need, which comes along with receiving the right support. That’s what we all want for you. Though of course the decisions are yours to make and this journey can take a lot of different shapes.
We discussed a little already and I understand where your doubts come from. I just want to encourage to break down those walls, one by one, at your own pace, with this community or not, but in any case with one goal in mind: you, your well-being, your heart. Because it’s all that matters right now.
I just can’t deal with it. I know that I can’t and so I just want to not be here.
That’s been happening to my sister and me too, the thing with the dreams.
I have all these dreams…
But for some reason… I am not that unhappy that it’s happening, even though they are disturbing enough nightmares for me to cuss about them, which it takes A LOT to make me cuss.
You don’t sound stupid and selfish at aaaaaaaaaaaal.
You make sense.
Also, I think that Dealing with it isn’t what you are supposed to do. You are not supposed to Deal with it.
There is smething you are supposed to do, that is not, getting over it, coping with it or dealing with it.
You do not commit scuicide, though.
There is something with no name for it that you do that will make you feel extremely alive.
I did it and it worked for me to be able to feel correct.
I am almost constantly overwhelmed, but for some reson now I don’t quite feel like that…
I can’t explain it…
It’s not as simple as trying to find something to make you feel alive. That’s what my brothers been trying to do for the last three years and he is what society would consider a waste of life.
I know there’s a lot to think about but I think I know what I want.
I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want anyone to feel bad for my own choices. I just want to stop.
That’s not what I meant.
I meant that you will feel aliver if you do it, but feeling alive isn’t the point.
You also are not supposed to exaclty Deal with things like that.
Hey there, how’re you going? Hope you’re travelling okay
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