2018 has really been kicking me in the ass, especially as of lately. Back in february my dad was hospitalized due to severe depression and anxiety which my parents have been hiding from me for the longest time. At this time I was a senior in high school, now a freshman in college. anyways, the primary reason my dad got hospitalized was because he had a suicide attempt by drowning himself and I didn’t know about this until about a month ago when I had to call 911 because he was unresponsive due to lack of medication and suicidal thoughts. He had been missing work and I had to keep calling in for him until we got back his medication hoping that would solve the problem, but it got too bad and I called my mom and she left it up to me to decide, so I ended up calling 911 and taking him to the hospital, following the ambulance. i had teary eyes the whole time, sobbing on the phone to the operator, but at the hospital I was pretty calm and cooperative as much as I could be trying to help out in any way I can, and that’s when I learned about my dad trying to commit and that tore me up. And then he started crying to me about how he cheated on my mom twice approximately twenty years ago, yet she didn’t figure this out until june of this year, and i feel really bad for her. and on top of all of this, back in swim season, i was the captain last year for my high school team and even though I was 1 of 2 captains, I was still arguably the most picked on, but definitely most sexually harassed with sexual remarks and grabbing my ass. I never reported any of it because I was the biggest guy on the team, but I just don’t believe in violence. I do remember smashing my water bottle which shattered everywhere just out of peer frustration with everyone from whipping me with towels, but this one guy just keep going and going and going, and i never really told anyone who could do anything about this just because like i said I’m the biggest guy and that would destroy me if i had someone else fix my problems, especially something like that. last night i broke down to one of my closest friends and he told me to come here and see what you all have to say because this has worked out for him, but then last night i took up all of my pissed off pent up negative energy and sent this really long sweet message to this girl because i thought what if I can take this energy and just force myself to think about reasons why I like this girl until I got into a better mood from thinking about her, and honestly it worked a little bit, but I don’t want to have to do that every time because it’s just weird… anyone who reads this or comments anything relatively nice i dont know you but you really do help a lot <3
Bro…this is so brutal…I’m so sorry about your dad…hearing a terrible truth about his past, seeing him in that condition, feeling the pain and emotion of the whole endeavor…I’m so sorry. It’s not your fault what he did.
And with all the stuff going on in swimming class, that sucks too man…to feel like you are getting harassed in a way that bothers you all the time and feel like you want to snap but can’t…feel like you want to reach out for help but won’t…it’s like you’ve got all of this pent up anger and stress and have no idea how to healthily get it out of you…you tried with this message to this girl, but you know that’s not a reliable outlet for your emotions even though it worked pretty well. You’re wanting to feel like there’s somewhere, somehow you can get this stuff out of your system so you can continue to perform well, get along with others, and ultimately feel better inside of yourself.
I like your creativity, man, and based on what you’ve already tried it seems like you’re going to find a place that works for you. I just encourage you to keep trying. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, and you’ll find the right way to get it out.
Moreover, I’d encourage you, as the biggest dude in the locker room, to stand up for yourself. Not because you have to or should or whatever but because you standing up for yourself is going to show others who aren’t as strong as you that they can stand up for themselves too. You set a lot of the tone, and you getting pushed around by these people isn’t helpful for people who might feel more powerless. You don’t have to be violent to get people to stop doing what they’re doing – you can be assertive without being violent, and I think it’d be a worthwhile exercise for your heart and your communication strength to give this a go, even if it’s messy. The best place to confront those people would be in private, outside of the locker room, because they won’t be feeling so much pressure to “look cool” in front of everyone else by not listening to you.
Hope this helps man. Proud of you.
Thank you so much for your kind message man, this really helped clear up my mind a little, but the whole locker room scenario is done and over with but it’s still bad memories that affect me to this day even though I don’t have to see those people ever again or be in that locker room. I graduated, but it’s still like unserved justice, but there’s not much I think I can do. More of the problem now is coping with how my dad is doing and the girl I like, yet she likes another guy on campus, yet I’m taking her to a concert with a few friends tomorrow night. She asked me what she should wear. Is that a sign of anything?
Yeah man, I think so.
My general take on relationships is: if you like her, ask her out as soon as possible. Relationships get real awkward if you hang on for too long hoping the “right time” will come. It never does. And in the end, you’ll be better friends if you’re not hiding your feelings. I say go for it bro.
Hey what’s up @d3gkryan? I’m sorry that you are going through so much with both your dad and with the swim team. It is a lot to process but you will get through it. Have you thought about talking to someone about what you are currently going through? There is no shame in that and can help you cope. I agree with @NateTriesAgain if you like ask her out and see where it will take you. Know that no matter what we are here for you and want to see you succeed. Keep hanging in there.
@mufcninja @NateTriesAgain she likes this other guy on her campus right now, and I’m being respectful of that but the other guy doesn’t know what he wants so honestly my plan for tomorrow is provide a hoodie for her in case she gets cold, even though she wore shorts in like 28 degree weather which to me is insane, but then just make sure she has a great first concert experience, and hopefully maybe swing her opinion on me a bit and possibly have her look at me in more than a friend way.
I ask this so you can sift what your motivations are – Is it more out of respect for the other guy or fear of rejection? It can be both, but I’m willing to bet that the majority of the hesitation is because of the latter motivation. And if that’s the case, bro, I’d highly encourage you to just take the plunge. If you want her to view you as more than a friend, it’d be a WAAAAAY faster way to do it instead of hoping at some point maybe in the future eventually hopefully at some point she’ll like you over the other guy. If the other guy isn’t making moves, it’s his loss! You care. You are a worthy man. You got this!
I agree with @NateTriesAgain take the plunge. It is okay to take risks and see where it will take you. Let us know how things go. Wishing you all the best.