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Empty and can’t let go

I feel so empty…not good enough. I broke up with someone months ago…it was a hard relationship. He had a lot of anger. We re both bipolar. He started hitting me up last month and I couldn’t help myself and messaged back. I still love him . I can’t stop talking to him…it feels so natural…but the longing for him lingers and makes me moody.
I moved away and am starting in a new town. I don’t know where to go. He still hits me up and calls me a pussy when I get emotional. I haven’t looked at other men in months and cant get myself to have sex, although I crave it. I crave working in the strip club as I used to because that’s all I feel good for. I feel crazy and my emotions feel out of control.
I can’t tell anyone I’m talking to him because they wanted me to be done with him. If I tell him how I feel, it goes unaddressed. We saw each other this past week and kissed. If we re supposed to “just be friends”, why are we acting like this. It feels impossible to get over it.
I don’t feel lovable. I don’t love myself and I feel empty. Someone I used to work with got hit by a car recent and is now brain dead right before his wedding. I feel a mess.

Rosethorn

Im sorry you are going throught this, and that you things with you boyfriend were not so smooth. We tent to love people that hurt us the most, because it feel simlar and safe. Even thou this very serlous issue invoving abuse. It kinda like a bad addications and not easy to get over it. However is good that you move into a new town, that is a new beginging and frest start. In addition, try find a job that help you with self eastem where you can feel doing some productive. In my personal opinion, working strip club may not be good yourself eastem. It not fun working at like fast food or shops. On the hand, it is still a job and help pay for stuff.

Actully you though maybe doing dancing class? becuase it same rush you can get in healthy way mentally. Or do hip pop dance or ballad, whatever come to mind.

Most important you need to love yourself, It easy said than done, but you there alot things do make you cool, even the smallest things.

Stay strong Rosethorn and you came to the right place.