Hi everyone.
I am feeling empty… again. I have things to do. Games to play. Books to read. Films to watch. Tasks to do… But i just cant bring myself to do so. I am on antidepressants and all and they work ok but i just dont feel exited for anything. I am doing tasks and i am looking forward to do something like watching a movie but when the time comes i do so for like 10 minutes until i no longer feel like it is interesting. I cant finish books that i read. I cat finish series i like. I cant bring myself to do some task i need to. Can somebody tell me what is wrong with me. I just… i dont know what to do…
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Hiii Ashwell,
You know, maybe you need a meds adjustment? I have to have adjustments at least twice a year. Maybe let your doctor know what’s going on and they can help in that way. It kinda sounds like they aren’t doing their job, I dunno.
I understand about loosing your motivation suddenly. I’ll plan a nice dinner and no matter how easy it is, I’ll just stand in the middle of the kitchen and break down because I just can’t do it. Or make plans to see family or just go to the bank and I don’t because I… just can’t. So, yeah I see you totally.
Obviously, there are things we 100% can’t put off, but when I can’t do anything else. I just don’t and I don’t put pressure on myself to do it, it’s too stressful. I’ve been dealing with major depression for 40yrs and that’s what I’ve learned. I don’t know if that works for everyone tho.
I see you!
PS. Having a routine helps too.
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Hi Lizzy
It is a bit better now. I dont want to adjust my meds again. These are my third antidepressants. They are ok but sometimes i just lose the will to do anything. It just comes suddenly. Nothing seems fun or too much of an effort. Then after hours it fades away only to come after a few days again.
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That’s major depression. We can be fine for a long time with low depression symptoms then all of a sudden we spiral down back into that black hole without warning. It’s just the cycle. You don’t have to change the type of meds you’re on, but you might have to adjust your dosage.
I’m really happy that you’re doing better tho! That’s wonderful
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I was just going to sleep and i realised i didnt really want to wake up. I dont really look forward to anything and i just dont care. I just think about the things i am going to do and ask myself why… I dont want to wake up… I am NOT thinking about harming or killing myself. I am just saying that i would not care if i just dissapeared…
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Yes, those feelings are horrible, aren’t they? You feel like there is just no point, period. It’s really hard to bring yourself out of and everyone has their own coping skills (or none), they’ve learned. What have you done in the past to climb out of it?
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@Ashwell Friend. I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time. I wanted to show up and tell you that you’re not alone. I’ve been feeling the same cycle appearing again in my life for about a week now, and despite trying to push through as much as possible, I have to consider adjustments in my meds too. The slow transition between seasons might have a role in it as well.
These depressing spirals just suck. It comes out of nowhere and it feels defeating to know what we need to do to take care of ourselves, yet feeling numb to it and not really caring. It’s not fair that everything becomes consuming yet doesn’t bring any joy or comfort in return. Any task becomes something that costs us without any benefit in return. I hate that you are experiencing that right now, and I wish I could just change it all for you instantly.
Hold on to the truths that you know rationally, even if it feels like it’s just a pile of empty words. It’s not. There is this veil in front of your eyes that makes everything boring, fade, useless. Though you are loved dearly and cared for. Nothing in the current circumstances change that, and nothing that your mind tells you either.
Take it easy. As much as possible. Get rid of all unecessary commitments, pressure and stress. Focus on the smallest steps, even if they seem useless. They’re still part of a bigger process that you will learn to embrace again once you’ll feel a little better. There will still be a first step of doing things without having the energy or the desire to, but it’s especially during those depressing cycles that maintaining at least a sense of self-care becomes a foundation. It doesn’t matter if it looks like staying in bed binge-watching your favorite TV shows and feeling like zoning out, or breathing a bit of fresh air outside for a couple of minutes. The intention that is set is what matters the most, and every little victory is worth to be embraced, and valued.
I believe in you. You will rise.
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Hey, I’ve been there. They call it anhedonia, where nothing brings you pleasure. It’s a symptom of major depression, and it makes you wonder how you’re supposed to feel better if nothing makes you happy. Pretty shitty and self-defeating. I also understand med frustration. I lost count of the cocktails I’ve been on over the last 9 years. I quit counting at 7, when one combo finally seemed to work okay, but I’ve needed adjustments, small changes, and big changes since then. I felt like my psychiatrist was playing chemistry lab with my body, but it’s not an exact science. How can it be? I know what it feels like to want to yell at your doctor to make you fucking better already, but that’s why you’re there in the first place. It sucks, but you keep going because not going means you stay stuck where you are.
I really hope you find what you need, either the spark or the right meds and doses, to at least give you hope that things might get better. You’re here saying it’s not okay, and if you acknowledge that it’s not okay, then it follows that it can be better, and there are ways to get better. Keep trying, don’t give up, give yourself time and grace, and just keep believing that there’s more to life than this, because there is. You’ll get there. Hold fast.
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