I feel like my eating disorder is eating at me. Like it will never end. Every day that goes by I have this urge and craving to watch the numbers drop…because my brain tells me that small isn’t small enough…and I want it to stop but I don’t know how to make it stop.
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FIrst… I love you. Not for how you look. Not for the number on the scale. I love you for you. I grew up with the same feeling. I Struggled with body image until I turn 30…and I am a guy. It happens to us also. You are not alone in this. My first year of college I became Anorexic and just recently I finally found out I had been battling Body Dysmorphia. I finally had a name for it. I knew what was going on with me. I know what I had to do. I threw out the scale. I started loving the person I saw in the mirror. I wanted to be the healthiest I had ever been. I wanted to stop looking at goals. I wanted to stop looking at a number on a scale. I want to stop being scared of the shape of my body. I wanted to take control of my life and turn into a positive healthy life style. I am not on a journey working out every other day and making sure i eat healthy. It took time forcing myself to go nope cant eat this. Cant eat that. I need to eat this. Ive been working out for 5 years now but never was even happy with myself. I still was hating myself. I had to change my eating I had to start loving myself on the inside. I want you to reach out to a therapist which HeartSupport partners with a company called betterhelp. its all online. We all use it. I want you to try it out I will leave link on the bottom. Hey I love you. You are worth every second of every day. I love you.
Hold Fast
Morgan Hochstetler
@MorganVinHoch
HS Intern
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Hi friend,
I’m so glad that you took the time to reach out to us. I’m sorry that you are struggling right now.
I know it’s hard right now but keep reminding yourself that these are lies your brain is telling you. You don’t need to keep dropping to be good enough, to be worthy, to be loved or to be good looking. In fact, being too skinny or too under weight can cause a lot of damage to your health. It can make you weak and destroy your body. So know deep down that small numbers do not always mesn good.
I understand the struggle though of body dysmorphia. I have faced and been challenged with this for so long. I know what it’s like to feel trapped in your own body and hate it. To want it to be different.
You are not alone. Please keep reaching out for help as you need it my friend. Please be gentle with yourself. You deserve all the proper care, support and help that you need. So that you can be the best version of you. For YOU. I hope that you find peace and healing and that you are able to also find strength and courage. We are here for you.
I care. I love you. You matter.
- Kitty