I haven’t posted here in awhile as it seems pointless, I’m not seeking advice of any type. I spend a lot of time just staring at the ceiling now, I have noone around me, self esteem is so fucked I won’t allow myself to meet people, I’m too ugly for dating apps, I don’t like to go to bars looking for hook ups. My life is shit and as I sit here, I see no future for me. I won’t kill myself today, tomorrow, or even next month. I will eventually though. There is no purpose, everything I hear on this site might as well be fictitious because I will never meet any one that uses this app. And in all honesty the people that act like they wanna help, they are always the first ones who abandon you when you take them up on that offer. They aren’t ready for what some people have to face. I think I will commit suicide by 40, as I already have no will to live, but I am too cowardice to end it all, but in time that will change too, even though the pain is too much now, I am strong. But eventually those suicidal thoughts aren’t going to make me cry in pain.
I get it. And you’re right to say you will never have a face to face conversation with any of us. The aloneness can be crushing.
The value of apps like this is we can talk without you having to let down your barriers.
I’m glad you’re strong. I get it that people who want to help often back off. But people on this app won’t. You’ve started a conversation. I invite you to stay in it and write back.
I guess that is why the app doesn’t help me, I don’t need somewhere to let my barriers down. I have almost no problem letting people know how I feel. Only thing I keep to myself is that I want to die. I have been honest about that with family in the past, but they don’t wanna hear it. Hell they say they want to help but the moment you try to let someone help, specially if they can’t comprehend your pain, they shut you out.
Hoderi, I am so sorry your support circle is unreliable and a let down for you. In these hopeless daunting parts of life, having a solid support system is critical. I know you said you were not looking for advice, so I will not offer any. I just want you to know that we hear you, we are here for you, and you are not alone. Even though we cannot meet face to face, we are still ready and willing to be all the support you need. I wish I could do more. Sending all the love your way.
I don’t have a problem with not meeting the people that offer help here. It is the fact that every time someone “offers” help in person, they think they want to help, but they really don’t they just want to say I tried to help. My problem is that just once I would like someone around me to show that kindness in person. I have lived almost my whole life in the Richmond, va area. People here are cruel and very selfish. I spent a year and a half in Tennessee, but because of living situation I had to move back. I am trying to find a way back to Tennessee, because people there were more kind, my mental health subsided while I was there I was truly happy. There might be some kind people around here, but for the most part people here are trash now.
Hoderi you have it right. People who can’t comprehend our pain often have trouble with their own inability to “fix” us. It can leave them feeling helpless and unable to tolerate their impotence to stay in control.
life is hard, life is overwhelming and sometimes shit.
but also life is worth living, life is blooming and beautiful.
there are people out there who care, who are willing to help because everyone matters. you don’t want
advice, ok. but be sure, that we are here for you anytime, we are here because we want to be here and
help others. everyone here struggles in their own life, in their own way, with different worries, illness or
thougths. sharing and also seeing that someone is not alone, i am not alone helped me a lot.
i don’t want to try to help, i wanna help. i want to make someones day or life a bit better. because there is
so much going on in these kind of days, that we are should make a difference. small acts can make a huge
impact. sharing shows strength and heart, you have done that. thank you.
you matter my friend. be strong and hold on, feel hugged
Yes. I mean, I didn’t think I’d make it to 18. Or 19. 20. And so on.
The years are more spaced out now, but I still sometimes wonder if I’ll make milestones.
The more years I’ve survived, and especially the more years since there’s been a small upward trend, the more hope I have that I’ll keep surviving. Maybe by the time I’m old, I’ll have more reasons and desire to live.
It’s hard to say what the future will bring. I hope for you that you find people to rely on, who offer to help and mean it. In the meantime, if you ever need encouragement or advice, you know where to find us.
Surviving isn’t living. I don’t see the years I survive as milestones. I didn’t want to live to be 30 because I knew where my life was heading, and honestly it’s worse than I imagined. What the hell is the point of surviving when there is nothing worth living for?
then change it. if you want to have a better life, then change it.
what you do from now on, will have an impact of your tomorrow. you make your live worth living.
you can do that, like everyone out there.
i also was on that point where i did not see a better outcome for myself, what if something worse happens to me ? that was the question i told myself. then i took action for myself.
now i take medicine, i make my therapy and changed a lot in my life. it was and is still not easy.
often i find myself in the same spiral downwards, i have month and weeks behind me that were
a rollercoaster. body and mind. questioning if i’m doing the right thing.
if i don’t see a purpose or a reason if it is worth it, i remind myself that there are, and there will always
be people out there that like me, friends, family. i found this community for myself where i hope to be
a good part to help others, because i want it. life can be more that you see right now, life can be
beautiful, like i said before.
we will always be here for you and all the people out there that reach out to us, that show the strength
to share, like all of you. thank you again for posting. hold on, you are worth it my friend.
I never thought about how long I would live, I just thought about being able to reach my milestones at different stages of life. There will be many stages in our life, each with its own different goals. When you accomplish this goal, you will go on to set another goal for yourself to accomplish. We will find that we have gained a lot in the process. Although we will encounter setbacks, sadness, and separation. This is our life, a loving and anxious life. We are all sentient beings because we are experiencing it. It’s a gift from God. We need more confidence to embrace each day. Leave our best mark on our path.
I have thought about how long I would live since I was a kid. I know there are worse birth defects as a child but I had a cleft lip which made me a target and I was in special education for emotional disturbance. I don’t see my life as a blessing more as a curse. I’ve nearly given up on everything. I attempted suicide when I was in my early 20’s. Now, I care but I don’t have the emotional energy to keep trying. The people I really wanted to matter to still, I don’t and that has destroyed me. I could have the whole world against me as long as I had my brother. But he turned and used me just like everyone else. For me I was always there for my little brother, always. I put fixing my life on hold to help him, and then as soon as I help them they turn on me. I have been trying to come to terms with this for months now. And the best advice I was giving is true but it hurts so much. I was told I need to cut him out of my life, but he is pretty much all the family I have left, even though he never wants to talk.
Hi, Hoderi. I can’t put myself in your shoes and judge your life. But no one’s life is perfect. I don’t feel what you’re going through. I can see your strength, and that’s what I admire. Your little brother is the closest person to you, but sometimes, do we give too much care? We can’t control people’s thinking, everyone should be himself. They need to grow from setbacks. We’re not always there for anyone. So let go of your inhibitions and get a life of your own.
We can’t control what people think, but to let your brother put a down payment on a truck for you, then you kick him out of the apartment you are both renting, that is what I can’t get past. My brother was supposedly helping me fix my life and I wanted to help him in some way. I moved out of Virginia, found the peace I have always wanted, and because my brother turned on me and I had noone in Tennessee to get a place with. I had to move back to Virginia. My depression was never as bad as it has been since I moved back. I never had a taste of what my life could be like until then…and while I am trying to find a way back quickly. There is no quick way back.
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