Last night I went out for a drink. In mind I was going have two and then go home. However, I made the mistakes of looking at a guy direction. Nothing bad happen, he was trying to get me to sit with. I said no cause covid, he kept persistent. He did back down, rest night was fine. He might been mostly fucking with, but it wasn’t end of world. I’m disappointed that kinda drank to large glass and was buzz driving home.
This mourning I woke of being paranoid, cause he buy me a lottery ticket, and was try have me bet money, I believe I said no, however was little drunk. And bring alittle autistic dose not help too. So had these paranoid situations, where him and his friends would come after me. Or having a major fight with him. Then random thoughts of hurting people and abuse impulse take over. A lot time I have revenge fansty of hurting people, cuase I want to protect my ego and my pride. I hate this part of myself
Hi, I think it’s important to understand the parts we hate about ourselves. None of us is perfect, most of us are far from it, but for me, it’s been a struggle to figure out who I am, I mattered so little to my family, I lost all track of me trying to please them enough to get their love. It never worked. But, if I can understand why I am the way I am, I can work to heal those parts of myself that need healing. Ego and pride may be at the heart of this, but I would not assume that without deeply reflecting on my life. There is cause and effect with all things, so if possible, get with someone who can help you delve into and cope with these intense emotional responses. I’d guess in all this you’ve been triggered in some way you’re unaware of, so you’re feeling vulnerable, and now your mind has spun it up to being fearful. Triggers can be very intense, so you have to counteract with being calm and giving yourself some space to figure out what’s going on with the dark thoughts. Don’t judge, try to learn, it’s much more powerful. Peace.