I want the pain to stop. I want to be able to smile. Like really smile again, but I can’t. I want to leave this place.
I live with my dad and we have a toxic relationship. We fight all the time. He doesn’t understand me at all. People always tell me to talk to him and I do, I have. So many times. And he won’t understand how I feel. I changed schools last September. It’s a much harder school than my last one. I can’t fit it and I feel so lonely. My grades have gotten really bad and I feel like a total failure. No matter how much effort I put into it, my grades won’t get better. So I want to go back to my old school. But I don’t know if I can. My ex best friend of five years would be in the same class as me. She stopped talking to me the day I left, even tho she promised to be there for me always. I left school and called her in the evening, she never answered. I texted her, she never answered. She read the messages on WhatsApp, she didn’t answer, instead she blocked me. I really want to go back to my old school but I’m scared cuz I of seeing her again and I’m also scared of what people will think: “oh she’s a failure, that’s why she came back. She was too stupid for that school. She probably failed there”. I’m terrified of what my old classmates will say. But I know that I would have much better grades which would be better for my future.
I also have a toxic relationship with my grandmother. She has mentally abused me since I was a small kid. My dad broke his leg in January, so she stayed with us for two months to help out. After she left, I haven’t called her once. Then I called her once a few weeks ago, she started crying, making me feel like I did something wrong even tho I didn’t. She has always abused me and made me feel like I was doing something wrong although I never did. My dad heard her crying and said that she was right. He never supports me. He’s always on her side. That’s also one of the reasons my mum left. She was treated the same way by my grandmother and dad. And now that she’s gone, they’re doing it to me. I can’t handle the pain anymore. I feel like everything is falling apart and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I feel like I’m going insane. I’ve attempted suicide once, but I’m still here. Some days I wish I could just disappear. I really don’t want to hold on anymore. I don’t know if it’s worth it. So many people have left my life. Used me cuz I am a good person, as egoistic as that sounds. My mother left me, friends, my best friend, guys have used me. I’m so over it. When will somebody finally stay. I can feel my tears stinging in my eyes. I hate it. I can feel the pain in my stomach. I’m sweating. I’m crying. I don’t want to be here anymore. How do I let go. How can I leave this place peacefully?
I dont think that’s how it would be. You dont understand why your old best friend cut you off, and I cant help you with that, but that was her decision and you can’t read her mind on what the reason was. Try not to assume the worst and blame yourself for the situation.
The best friend thing. I know all too well. I have had so many friends leave. I had one… He told me he was leaving, then the day before, he dropped a bunch of presents on me, and the next day he was gone. I had no idea where he went, who he went with… I’m pretty sure he changed his name too. Man, I don’t even know if he’s still alive. After years of this happening, my best friend of 13 years started to just out of no where become abusive and really unsupportive of my mental health. We were like sisters, inseparable, and then one day she couldn’t say a single nice thing to me… My parents, being the people that they are, blamed me for screwing up a “good, valuable” friendship. One of the girls I knew in school left, was away for about a year, and then came back… Everyone was just like “oh… you missed us then? ;)” it was just… a chill, fun welcome back for her from her friends.
This sounds like a lot. I’m sorry. but you are better than this. If you can move away from your family that are abusive, I think that would be a good move. So when you’re ready, we’re here to help.
Hey friend, I’m so sorry to hear of all that you have and are going through. You’re not alone. It is so brave of you to share. We love you, we hear you. Hold fast.
you are very brave for sharing, and even though you’ve bene trough a lot your experience with life as whole might be different once you get older and get away from toxic relationships and environments. I feel like you have a lot to offer, and you will surround yourself with the people you deserve eventually. Hang in there.
Thank you for this. I’m trying to hold on and get away from my family as fast as possible, but that might only be in two years time. Thank you for sharing your story, it helped a lot and I’m sorry you went through it too.
Thank you so much for sharing all of this. It’s not easy to accept to be vulnerable and to be open about what’s going on, especially when you’ve been disappointed by others. Know that what you just did by writing this post here is valued, honored and respected. Thank you.
I’m so sorry you had and still have to deal with all of this. It is, indeed, a lot of stress that you’re carrying right now. Your dad, your grandmother, the friend you mentioned. It’s not fair. And it’s totally natural to feel how you feel, to cry, to want that pain to go away. And it will. But not at the price of your own life. It certainly feels pretty dark right now, hopeless. But you are not alone, you have an entire community right here to support you, and you’ll make it through. This is not about you. There is nothing wrong with you. This is about others behaviors, choices. Your existence doesn’t have to be questioned here, no matter what others said or did to you.
I understand how it feels when you’re in an abusive environment and you’re just waiting to go somewhere else. It feels like an eternity. And it takes courage to reach out in these circumstances. You did the right by coming here. And know that you’re not alone right now. Your current situation now is not defining your entire life, and it never will.
There is hope, even if it doesn’t feel like this. There is hope, right here and right now, for you.
Feel free to join the HeartSupport Discord, so you can keep being in touch with community on a regular basis and share what you want, when you want.
You are loved. You matter. Your existence matters.
Feel free to vent as much as you need. Keep reaching out. We’re in this with you.
Thank you for this. You have no idea how much this helped me. It feels like someone finally understood how I feel. I don’t think I can thank you guys enough. It gives me hope. I know I will have bad days, but I think I made the right step by joining this community. I have people to talk to. This has helped incredibly. It feels like I’m actual worth something. Like I can be loved by some people the right way one day. Thank you❤️
Hi! I believe I am experiencing emotional/psychological abuse from my parents. I believe there a reason why, which is to hide the past abuse. I would encourage you to go online if you can and look up different types of mental abuse. Familiarize yourself with them. I think that if you could learn about the different types, it would help to validate you. Please keep living. I know it’s hard to want to leave this earth, but death is permanent. I have been having suicidal thoughts for years and I am struggling every day in many ways, but thankful I’m still here. I know there is hope. You’re gonna make it!
