Expectations, pain, and death

Everyone always says that I’m going to do great things. Everyone always says im super intelligent, so I’ll get an amazing career. Everyone always says im really handsome, so I’ll get a hot girl. Everyone always says I’m so nice, so I’ll always be loved. Everyone always says that my life will make a difference, but will it? I dont feel intelligent. I dont feel handsome. I dont feel loved half the time. What I feel in my life is pain. I hide it behind everything I can, joking, smiling, eating, socializing. But really, I only ever feel like I’m useless, like I’ll never do anything, like I’m a waste of oxygen. I dont feel like my life is going to make a difference. I dont feel like I have a future. What i feel is sorrow and void. I feel like my life is spiraling and i cant fix it. I feel like those who say they love me only dont want to see me suffer. Hell, sometimes I dont even feel. So I ask the same question I did last time, what’s the point of it? What’s the point of life? I keep myself here to prevent others from feeling like me, but it never helps. So why do I really stay? Am I afraid? Or do I just not see a point in even death anymore? I lay here next to my girlfriend, whose phone is buzzing so often I’m getting scared and my anxeity is acting up. It’s just a phone, why am I so scared? I just want it all to be over finally…

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Hey there :slight_smile: First of all i’m really proud of you for reaching out to people here. I can imagine the frustration and complicated feelings you’re going through and I know they suck :confused: like really bad to a point that you feel like running up a cliff and scream. But I want you to know that You Are Enough. I’m battling severe depression and suicidal issues as well but all of our problems root back to us never feeling enough :slight_smile:

So I want you to know that you are enough. You are Always enough okay? You may not have found your purpose in life, trust me it does drive me insane everyday that I honestly relate to the way you feel. It’s okay to feel the way you do, your feelings matter and they are important :slight_smile: We may seem lost and confused every single day that drives us into an existential crisis, but what we need right now is patience and endurance :slight_smile: In your own time and At your own pace, you need to put You as a main priority :slight_smile: How to love and take care of yourself before putting anyone else first. Are you eating healthily? Are you getting enough sleep and good quality sleep? I care about you and i’m sure everyone else around you does too, we’re just stuck in our black bubble that our minds trick us into thinking that we don’t matter. Truth is, our minds are just there to fool us. You are enough, we are enough and always will be.

Take small steps to find the root of what’s causing you uneasiness, and then take action to see how you can fix it :slight_smile: there’s no rush and again in your own time and at your own pace! Start with self awareness, knowing what triggers you and know when to step away from them when you feel them coming in, just tiny tiny steps like gratitude or going on slow walks with your music around the park :slight_smile: Don’t focus too much on a huge goal, focus on taking the first small steps, build your ladder and make your way up to whatever you want to aim for that will make you grow :slight_smile: You got this !!

The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it <3 You Are Enough.

We’ll never go anywhere “today”, going somewhere is a process, and it takes time :slight_smile: It’s not possible to see without present goggles… But we hope for the best and strive for opportunities that goes in the right direction, we can’t control the future but just lay out the best possible road~ We’re in this together! you’re never alone and we got this! :3 I iz many believe in you gorgeous hooman! We can never control how Others act, think and behave. But we can always learn to control how we act, think and behave ~

Have some adventure kitties to cheer up a bit :3

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I understand feeling like “why am i here if I’m suffering” and “i want to help others so I want to stay alive”.

Its easy to overthink life, feelings, and the point of it all…and in the midst of all of that, lose perspective.

At one point i trained my mind, every time i felt miserable, to hear that line in Three Days Grace’s Break:
“If you cant stand the way this place is, take yourself to higher places.”

And the way I choose to interpret that in those situations, is whatever is in my life that I am unhappy with, do my best to remove or change it, and whatever is something I want, go after it.

Loving yourself isn’t just a feeling, its an action. Its not something we can base on what others say or do. Sometimes you have to do the action repeatedly before you have the feeling.

Heres some practical physical things to do, but you have to do it with the intent of showing love and care, even if you dont feel it. You will eventually. With repetition and not giving up.

-Take a hot shower
-Buy yourself an ice cream or a favorite treat
-Look at yourself in the mirror and say “I know you’re going through a lot, but I love you. You’ll get through it” (even if you dont feel it)
-Have some quiet time to yourself, with a book, or sitting outside (or since its winter, next to the window) Sunlight is super helpful for the mind!
-Shave/Get a haircut
-Say/Do something nice for someone else. Even if its small its proven that giving helps our mood. Giving a hug, a compliment, heck even replying to someone’s HeartSupport with a little encouragement.
-Take a walk (getting exercise is a way to love yourself)
-Eating healthier really helps, you will feel better too. Choosing a sandwich shop over fast food is a practical way of doing this.
-Smile. No really, smiling actually makes you feel better. It sounds silly but just trust me.

The other thing I want to say is to find a hobby, something that represents you, that you have control over. This helped me a lot. I was always so focused on my work that I hated it, but that hobby helped me so much!
Bonus points if you can find something you can do daily or without too much effort.

Here’s some ideas:

-wood carving (super relaxing, my friend does this)
-jogging/walks/walk a dog
-learn/play an instrument. piano/keyboard is always a good start
-gaming/streaming on Twitch (thats mine!)
-play sports! Or in the winter, indoor sports/ping pong, foosball, air hockey
-fixing a car
-reading a book/book club (libraries a start)
-play with a weekly gaming group (for me thats dungeons and dragons…ha! Though its not a daily thing.)
-figure painting/creating. My friends used to by Gungnam (not sure how its spelt but its from an anime. Giant robot samurai’s). Then he would piece them together, sometimes paint them, and sell them.

I hope this is helpful for you. You don’t have to do exactly what I said but I hope it got some ideas going for you. You’re not alone, you’re not the only one who has felt this way.
You can do this.
One day at a time!

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Hi Rev, thanks for reaching out.

Fun fact: they tell me the same things everyday.

Sad fact: I used not to believe any word they said.

Truth is, depression makes us see things in a distorted manner, and every time it does we spiral down into the void. However, even if it’s so hard to see now, there is a purpose for everyone. You are worth way more than you think. That’s why you should stop hiding it and start reaching out to your girlfriend/family/friends. They love you, and they need to know what’s going on in your head right now.

Love you

Pioggia :sunflower:

Are you communicating your feelings. Maybe you feel that it is pointless because you are hiding and not being honest. You will always suffer if you feel pain. It will never go away.

I myself want the pain to go away. It is a delusion though. If the pain is there now and has always been there then what is to say that it will go away ever? (Even if I die?)

You hiding could mean you eventually are lying and sooner or later you be found out as a liar. Lying is never worth it unless you’re trying to keep someone you care about safe, but never yourself. There are ways to save yourself yet from my own experience lying to save yourself never ends up in saving yourself. Better to be honest upfront.