Faced With A Choice

My ex and I reconnected yesterday after a while of us not talking. Most was because he was dating another girl now and was abusive and manipulative towards me and was using me. But last night after stream (mind you during the stream I was dealing with toxic trolls my nudes were leaked in my discord) I was emotionally done, and so I went back to the place I thought I loved (why didn’t I come back to the community). But he gave me a dilemma. One I wasn’t ready to face. He said choose me or them (this community). If I choose him that means I would have to block all the people who have been supporting me the last year never come to the streams or post on the support wall etc.

So I decided to choose the community. But yet here I am left feeling empty not knowing where the hell to turn. What do you do when following your head hurts worse then if you would have just followed your heart?! Why do I still love him and desire to be with him!? Why am I still wrapped around his finger. I just don’t understand


Ok how long have you been with him. The longer you are with him is probably why you do still love him.
I really sorry you made this choice and you felt empty. Hopefully we can rebuild your trust in us.

My opinion is, stay with the community, nobody needs that negativity in their life. You don’t need to go back to the toxic relationship. There are tons of other people in the world that are 1,000,000 times better than him. So I say go find someone who won’t control you, find someone who will sit down and listen to you and find someone you can trust, you can find so much better in the world. I know it won’t be easy to get over him. Trust me I had that problem with my ex girlfriend. I even have trust issues because of her. But you just have to leave him, and stay with the people that help you, the people that got you through so much shit. You have to stand up for yourself and say that you want to stay with the people that help you. That is my personal opinion.

Hey @Monkey,

I have been in an abusive and manipulative relationship before, I know first hand just how hard it is to walk away from that. To walk away from what you perceive as love. But I promise you that true love DOES NOT take you away from community or from friends or family or from support. True love encourages you to get help and to get involved with what you love. True love wants you to be happy and to be healthy and to be surrounded by people who love you. True love doesn’t make you do anything you don’t want to, it doesn’t make you isolate yourself, it DOES NOT take you away from a community that you live and that loves you and supports you and cares for you. True love is not selfish. At all.

This man sounds toxic, and sounds like he doesn’t want what is best for you. It sounds like he wants to take you away from everything/everyone that helps and supports you and that is ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY. I cannot emphasize that enough. You should never ever be wholly dependent upon one person.

I think that you made such a good decision to choose this community over that individual! You recognize that he is toxic, and that’s so good. It took me so long to realize that my abuser was using and abusing me. It’s so hard to turn away from that when you’re told that that’s what love looks like. But that is a lie. Love looks like people who encourage you and support you. So I know it’s so hard, and I know it sucks. And I know your heart is screaming at you to run back to him, but don’t. It just takes time. And that sucks. But try and take it a day at a time. Post on here every single day if you need to. We are here to support you and encourage you in this decision. I promise that t will get easier as time goes on.

Much love, stay strong.


I’m glad you chose the community over your ex. If he truly loved you, he wouldn’t make you choose. He sounds manipulative and if he mentally and emotionally abused you in the past, just let him go. I just went through the same thing…I wasn’t going to get back with him at all. I didn’t want to. I got back with him and it ended up changing me and my life for the worse. I regret it every day.

I was in an abusive relationship. She would control my emotions and tell me how I was a failure and was never trying hard enough. It took sometime but I found out she had her own problem in her own life also. If I was not loving her a certain way it meant I did not love her at all. It took moving back home 2000 miles away to finally step forward in healing. It took time. It took some tough trials of going back and owning up to some personal failures of my own.

It took me 2 years to finally be over her it took her 2 weeks. That was the hardest to learn. It felt like I did not matter but I knew in God’s eyes I mattered more to my godly father than a human. It made me release no one can have control of me and own my emotions.

Lay it all down at his feet and pray for him to take it away. It will take time. it will take patience. It will be hard but you will never be alone. You are not just in a community at HS you are a part of a family and are so loved.