My ex and I reconnected yesterday after a while of us not talking. Most was because he was dating another girl now and was abusive and manipulative towards me and was using me. But last night after stream (mind you during the stream I was dealing with toxic trolls my nudes were leaked in my discord) I was emotionally done, and so I went back to the place I thought I loved (why didn’t I come back to the community). But he gave me a dilemma. One I wasn’t ready to face. He said choose me or them (this community). If I choose him that means I would have to block all the people who have been supporting me the last year never come to the streams or post on the support wall etc.
So I decided to choose the community. But yet here I am left feeling empty not knowing where the hell to turn. What do you do when following your head hurts worse then if you would have just followed your heart?! Why do I still love him and desire to be with him!? Why am I still wrapped around his finger. I just don’t understand