Tonight, I need to vent about something. My sister Ally has a mini Australian Shepard about 8 months old named Atlas. I threw out my leftover dinner in the trash which included a chicken bone. Well, Atlas got into the trash and we think he ate it. I even looked through the trash and it wasn’t there. So, Ally blamed me. I had left my plate out to run an errand and was putting some shopping bags away when Atlas attempted to grab the bone the first time. But once I threw it out, I forgot about it… until I saw him in the trash.
Now Ally is sobbing hysterically because Atlas could die if the bone ruptured his organs. And she is screaming at me that she doesn’t want to see me and she is blaming me for the whole thing. I tried to defend myself and then my other sister came out and said I was acting like a bitch. And we don’t swear much in our house so anytime a word like that is used among us, it cuts deep.
Here’s the thing: after being blamed, yelled at, cursed at, I realized something, no matter how much good I do in this house, I will never be good enough for my family. All of my past mistakes will follow me and I will always be the enemy. This is a constant cycle of me doing something, something bad happens and I get blamed. My self esteem has always been shit and I know it comes from my house. I’m trying to get as far away as I can. Houston, TX seems to be the furthest that I can get from Connecticut but I’m still waiting on a full time job. I want to just lash out and cry and drive recklessly as far away as I can go, but I don’t want to let them get to me, so I just feel painfully numb. I won’t let myself lose composure over this, after all the terrible things they’ve said to me. I just won’t be good enough…
You will get away from your family i know right now it doesn’t seem like it, but you will. And then that toxic family will be behind you and you can gather your real family around you. Family isn’t always blood related you, like for example you have the Master Class fam behind you.
Second you will be good enough, cause i believe in you and I know you can do great things hun. Ive seen you do great things on here.
Also i do care about you and love ya to pieces, and im always here if you need someone to talk to.
You know what I think is most unfair about having toxic family? How it just… seeps. Into everything. I’ve been away from mine and it still just jumps back up sometimes, totally unexpected. Maybe you won’t be enough for them. I can’t ever be enough for my dad, so I can sort of relate. No matter what I do, or accomplish, or become, it’s not right by him, ever. And I don’t think that’s ever going to change. Which sucks. But I am allowed to move on from it. It will always suck, I think, that he can’t see me for who I am. But I don’t have to stay close to it either, just like you don’t have to stay close to them.
You know what doesn’t suck? Picking new family that loves you and supports you and encourages you. I’m sorry you’re getting all the blame for that situation. You put the food in the trash, you met every expectation they could have on you for food disposal. That’s not fair to be pinned on you and I’m sorry.
You said you won’t lose your composure which makes me wonder, do you have any safe outlets to work through or process what’s in your head? I mean obviously you have us here and other HeartSupport outlets which you’re clearly using, which is great! But you have to put that stuff somewhere, you can just shove it down and away and block it out. It’ll explode somewhere random one day. I am glad you took the time to reach out here. <3
I’m not super close to Houston, but when you get here eventually I’m close enough to meet up. What line if work are you looking for? You can DM me. I don’t know many people, but I know a few. Maybe they’ll know of some jobs?
Hi Sarah.
Family and friends… the people closest to us can cut really deep. They are often the people that can hurt us the most. I know from my experience that it is the truth. I no longer share a lot of things with my family. Not because they are bad people but because they would not understand or they would get upset and i cant trust them.
It is unfortunate what happened with the bone but it was an accident. It could have happened to anyone. Dogs do the things that dogs do and sometimes they do stupid things. That just happends. You can be careful next time but that is that. It is not your responsibility to look after someone elses dog. You can be sorry about what happened but should not blame yourself. It is understandable that your younger sister is mad at you because she is sad and angry but you did not deserved to be called a bitch. That is just mean.
I cant say that what i am about to say is a good advice so take it with a grain of salt but it can work miracles. Sometimes when I am placed in a position of a bad guy I instead of defending myself embrace the role. Just for a time. I give you an example: “You are selfish and mean because you dont want to lent me money.” Me: Yes i can be quite an asshole. Go away bother someone else now." I would not say use it against your younger sister but if the other sister keeps saying “bitch” to you just try it. It is rude but it can be great against people that try to manipulate or shame you into doing things.