Family fighting and self harming on and off

My family just keeps fighting over every little thing and I’m getting so tried if it. I’m so tried if the never ending fighting and constant yelling and arguing. I can’t handle it and it’s making doing anything for myself so much harder. For instance I did all of my Hygiene last night and I felt great after it and did a lot of stuff and felt better but the second I wake up it’s just fighting and yelling and it feels like everything I’ve done was for nothing because I’m back to feel horrible. I’m fighting not to self harm and it gets so hard sometimes and I end up doing it and it makes me feel worse so I try harder not to do it. But they keep making it so it’s not possible. I don’t know how to handle this especially when doing self care stuff seems more and more useless as what’s the point if it all comes undone within seconds? I don’t know but I’m trying not to think like that.


When you’re in the midst of bickering and emotional chaos, self care stuff is even more important and useful. Screaming, yelling and abuse was pretty constant in my family too. My approach was to tune a lot of it out and do my best not to be noticed. I also spent as much time as I could away from them.

The challenge for you is to separate your emotions from those of your family. You don’t deserve to experience their toxic emotions. Because someone is acting horrible doesn’t mean you need to feel horrible. How they act is not your fault, even if they say it is.

Be fair to yourself, and protect your own feelings. Regardless of how they’re acting, if you took each one of your family members, gave them a chance to calm down, and be away from family conflict, I’m pretty sure they’d be willing to say they care for you, and don’t want to see you hurt. Knowing that may not be terribly useful for you, but it may help you to not be angry with them.

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From: susieqzz

My heart goes out to you, I grew up in a chaotic home as well. It’s hard to not take those burdens on to yourself.

I read an article once that talked about the correlation between one’s self worth and the type of home environment they grew up in. Ultimately the take away was that growing up in an unstable and chaotic environment like that (especially where parents/family members are fighting) puts their personal burdens on the children. You are carrying the weight of their problems and it is not fair to you at all. Their personal burdens are not yours, but they are putting you in a place where you feel you have no choice but to take them on. I’m so so sorry you are in this position.

I think self care right now is an absolute must. That is one thing no one can take away from you. Keep practicing self care and doing healthy things that ultimately make you feel good because that is something reserved just for you. You are creating a safe space for yourself in those moments, and that’s so important for you right now considering the environment you are currently in.

Sending all the love and positivity I have to you. We are always here any time you need to talk things through! <3


From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Paladine, Im sorry you are still having to deal with all this, no one wants or should have to listen to constant fighting all of the time, its not fair. I would like to say one thing though, you talk of doing all of your Hygiene and how good it made you feel and then it being spoiled? Keep doing it Paladine, keep doing your hygiene, keep making yourself feel good, feel special, feel important and dont let anyone stop you feeling like that. I understand it doesnt feel good to hear those arguments but make yourself feel better with the self care and hold your head up, it will give you at least a sense of fulfilment. I live alone and rarely leave my home and when i feel low i put a full face of make up on and do my hair, It makes me feel so much more positive. You deserve that positivity in your life. go for it. fix what you can fix. Much Love Lisa x


I am so sorry that your family keeps on fighting. Sometimes when parents fight there is not much you can do. You could try to separate your thoughts from that by telling yourself “That fight is between them and has nothing to do with me.” You’re not guilty of making them fight, and you are not the reason.
Maybe your self-care and hygiene could be your little safe haven? You could lock the bathroom door and just take care of yourself, make yourself feel better and not let them destroy the moment. Stay strong!


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