This month feels like a terrible month. Almost 3 years ago I lost my mom to cancer and ever since I’ve been struggling with major depression and sometimes suicidal thoughts. My life feels like it’s falling apart at the seems since my mom died from cancer. I feel so hopeless and lost without knowing what direction to turn. My dad doesn’t make things any better due to he is an alcoholic. I need some major help I’ve been crying myself to sleep almost every night trying to get my life back in order.
I’m sorry you are going through a rough patch in your life. Just letting you know that you are loved by God, this community, and your loved ones.
Im so sorry about your momma. That’s so hard. I can only imagine how tough that has to be for you. I know it was hard on me to lose my Grandpa, but losing a parent is super rough.
Grief is something that looks different for everyone. And it takes everyone different amounts of times to heal through it. Friend, I just encourage you to connect to whoever you feel closest to and trust that makes you feel comforted. Whether that is family or a close friend. Or even a therapist where you can talk out your feelings. Sometimes just being around loved ones can really make a difference.
It IS okay to not be okay. I mean, you lost your mom. It makes sense to grieve and feel deeply sad for a while. Let yourself grieve how you need to.
If you get feeling suicidal, please reach out to a hotline. I know you are hurting but your life matters. And I’m sure your mom wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself. If you aren’t in the Heart Support discord, you can join that. Where there is a lot of people to connect to and lots of threads full of resources that you can use. Hotlines, apps, books. In fact, while this probably wont be as helpful for grief specifically, there are some links to the books from heart support that are a guidance through depression or self harm https://heartsupport.com/resources/ - I could understand if those books may be too much right now while you are grieving. But they are worth checking out when you are ready.
There is also that 7 day free trial for Betterhelp. Which is an online counseling service. Maybe that would be good for you to take advantage of while you work through the process of healing.
Just know that you are loved my friend. I truly am sorry for your struggles right now. Stay strong.
I am so sorry you lost your mom. Grieving is such a difficult journey. I’ve been there, still am sometimes, and my heart goes to you right now.
In these moments crying is a healthy reaction, but I understand how exhausting it is. I’m sorry you’re hurting, friend. It’s absolutely normal to feel lost right now, hopeless, like having no sense of direction, not knowing where to go or how to move on. You lost someone who was dear to your heart and hold an important place in your life. You need time. To process, to feel, to find some peace.
I know 3 years may seem to be a long time for many people. And there’s a lot of pressure in our societies to keep going on no matter what, to get better as quickly as possible. So I hope you don’t blame yourself for how you feel. I too lost someone who was dear to my heart, my brother, from a disease. And last month it has been 2 years exactly since he disappeared. This date is triggering. It’s difficult to see the world and time going on while you feel like someone has been left behind.
I can’t underline enough the importance of talking, sharing, when you’re dealing with a loss in your life. I am aware that it tends to make people uncomfortable, and it can be difficult to find those who are willing to listen. Just now that I’m willing to listen if you ever need it. We’re standing behind you. You are not alone. It is a safe place here, and you have the right to express yourself, as there can be a lot of mixed feelings arising at the same time.
I’d also like to encourage to seek for therapy, if that’s something you could consider or afford. I know it’s not always easy, especially for financial reasons, but maybe there are free services near where you live, mental health organizations that could help, or even group therapy. It could be worth it to seek some informations about that.
Besides, writing helps, truly. To let go all the things you need out of your mind. I can’t count the amount of times I started to write, impulsively, just because I needed to shout my pain somewhere. It often led me to cry, to feel numb, but it helped to let this insane energy out of my chest. Hopefully it could help you too.
You are loved. And you matter.
Hang in there.