I have thoughts about why i should even be still living. Im only 30 and still have a lot of life to live but just thinking about friends ive lost and people i have known that are amazing people that have lost their lives and i think why the hell should i still be able to still live. Im not doing anything great in my life and have no one other than a few family members. Ive always wanted my own family and have been trying that for motivation but im to much of an awkward loser who can barely even keep a conversation in person let alone just be motivated enough in myself to want to stay alive. I guess im just very lost in who i am and keep thinking about people and friends ive known throughout life that should have been able to experience living more then rather me whos not even doing that and im pretty sure countless others that feel the same way.
I’ve had and still battle with this darkness, it is very difficult to find motivated to try to get through everyday. I completely understand how you feel. Loss of people that you care about is very terrible, and the grief is like being stuck.
completely understand how it feels to be lost trying to figure out who you are.
You are not an awkward at all,
You’re feeling are valid.
You are awesome.
And i care about you.
Hi @Hey_its_Cthulhu,
Welcome to HeartSupport,
Thanks for being so brave to expressing your feelings. You aren’t the only one that struggle with issue. I’m sorry for your loss and it must have been difficult for you. Give you a virtual hug to make you feel better. Take your time to grief! People take months & years to be heal. You do it on your own terms when you feel it’s time to moved on. Some days I do feel lost with my life and that’s totally normal to feel. Life is always mystery to me.
There are lots of people out there that don’t have a family around their 30s for numerous of reasons. No rush to start a family. It’s okay to be single in your 30s. You are still figuring on who you are as a person. I worked in a public school for 4-5 years and talked with multiple of parents in their 30s. Some of them aren’t meant to be parents. They asked me on how to take care of their kids. The first question I asked is them: “How often you spend time with your child?” The answer I get is like “I work at my job so I don’t have time to communicate with my child.” I’m wondering why my students struggle with mental health issues. I loved all my students from elementary to high school. It’s nice to meet them in public. One of my students from last year noticed me hanging out in Comic Con and told me I always will remember you for being there for me when I was depress. It brings me job to see them be happy even it’s not related to school.
I’m going to tell you as a best friend. You seemed like a wonderful and kind person to be friends with. Who told that you are loser? You can change your life to be fun depending on your choice. What do you want to do with your life? Make a bucket list. There are tons of things that I want to do like travel, movies, food, volunteer, run a marathon, become a polyglot, and etc. HeartSupport and I are here to support your whatever choice that you make. Just remember you aren’t alone feeling this way.
Hey Cthulhu, thank you so very much for sharing. You are not alone, and you are right that others feel the same way. I know it’s something I have and do struggle with. This feeling that life has a bland monotony to it and also feeling like I haven’t got much value to impart and even if I did, I’d probably mess it up trying to communicate.
I think about these friends and family who I have felt deserved more than I can offer them, that deserve my place in life more than I do.
What I have come to find is that the friends in my life have chosen me to be in theirs and it isn’t because of something I have done to earn my way in.
One day someone met you and thought you added value to their life because of the love you bring to them and because of the happiness that fills them when you’re around. I think being able to bring that kind of light to others is something special.
It sounds like right now you’re in that dark place that is making everything around you feel like it’s lacking that purpose. I hope you feel comfortable reaching out to those friends like you have here to say “I’m not okay”. Because while it’s not “okay” to be stuck in that loop and in those thoughts, it is “okay” to reach out and allow others to pour their time and love into you.