Feeling alone

Sometimes I just really feel fed up. I feel like I overthink every little thing I do because I have to run it through a thought process of “What will my husband think?” “How will that make him feel?” “Is he going to support that?”

It just seems like anything I do upsets him. When I do something that’s good for my mental health, or good progress for work, or make a new friend, he gets upset. He pouts. Acts like I love him less if I show ANY interest or passion in other parts of my life. It’s suffocating.

He doesn’t get angry or ever treat me badly. He really is a great guy, and I love him. But when I do anything that wasn’t his idea or bring up something I’m excited about he gets quiet and moody. Gets distant. Makes me feel awful. I don’t thinking’s intentional but it’s oddly controlling. When I bring it up or try to talk about it he just gets moody and apologizes for being a “such a terrible husband” even though I don’t think that… but he never changes or actually discusses why.

Lately I’ve been feeling super alone. I know his love language is a mix of physical touch and gift giving. I try to be very aware of that and make sure he’s feeling loved or appreciated. However, my love language is words of encouragement or affirmation … and I feel so empty and alone when he doesn’t even talk to me. Like I’m giving so much of my self and letting go of so many things I’m passionate about just to appease him but I’m not getting filled up or supported in return. Feel like I’m on my own. I even hesitate to post here because I don’t want anyone thinking any less of him and feel like I shouldn’t say anything so negative about my own husband.

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My wife and I sat down and agreed that what we are going through with this pandemic is unlike anything we’ve experienced before. That said, we agreed to cut each other more slack for odd or innapropriate behavior and to ask if either thought it was due to the general stress or if it was warranted. As always communication is paramount for relationships to thrive and survive.

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