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Feeling Crappy

Hi.
For the last couple of hours i have been feeling like crap. I came home from my part time job today and i just shut down. When i am working i am looking forward to going home but when i arrived i just didnt want to do anything. it is one of those episodes when you just dont feel almost anything. I feel lonely but i dont want to talk to anyone. I feel tired but i dont want to sleep. I want to do something but i am tired. I feel empty and numb. Honestly sometimes i just wonder if i want to live. I know i am not suicidal anymore for at least a month but that does not mean i enjoy living. I feel like i am just going through the motions… Sorry for beeing so down but that is just how i feel right now…

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Hugs @Ashwell :hrtlegolove:

Man, you hit it on the nose. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, cuz it freaking sucks so bad.

I get into those “I need a hug, but won’t feel it” moods all the time. Last night, I was having a hard time and there wasn’t anything I wanted to do, but felt like I needed to do something. I wanted to just curl up alone in my bed, but I wanted to be in the living room with my boyfriend in his arms at the same time. I started to play a couple video games, but ended up logging out after a couple mins. I saw posts here that I felt I should support, but just couldn’t bring myself to to it. There was nothing that made me feel any better and it was hard to fight off those feelings of emptiness and just wanting to not feel like this anymore… it’s freaking exhausting.

So, Ash I totally get you and I’m sending you a big cyber hug, so close your eyes and feel it. :hrtlegolove:

We all have our own ways to cope, so remember yours :hrtlegolove:

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Thank you. Thank you so much for this. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Awww… that is nice :relaxed: thank you

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Hey @Ashwell,

Are you hanging in there? Was your week-end a good one?

I’m sorry you were having such a rough time. But also, what an accurate description of how it feels to be depressed. Lots of paradoxes, mixed feelings and wishes. This emptiness, whom some would call anhedonia, is sometimes worse to process than feeling sad, as at least there would something to feel. It is for me the most heartbreaking part of this shitty way that our bain function sometimes. Just feeling out of live, like having no right to access to those things that seem so spontaneous to others.

It’s tough. Though , this is an episode you will recover from, friend. Make sure to take it easy and to not lose sight of some important truths. We love you. :hrtlegolove:

PS - Is there a highlight for your day that you could think of, just to find some good closure for today? For me it was to cuddle a random cat on the street this morning. Was so grateful for encountering this little wanderer. :slight_smile:

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Hi Micro.
Thanks for asking🙂. Honestly right now i feel fine. Not great not terrible. This weekend was good. I had managed to get a lot of things done. Right now I feel weird. I am thinking that i am going to wake up early because of work. I generaly dont mind tho. There were moments this weekend when I felt genuinely happy. There were also moments when i felt guilty and sad. Sometimes for very small things like not having the energy to make a longer post here.

Sometimes for other things. I dont know sometimes I feel like all the good things are wasted on me. Sometimes I also feel lonely. I dont mean it like i dont have people to talk to or that I dont have people who love me. I do have people who love me but sometimes i feel like that quote from bojack horseman. “Like everybody loves you but nobody likes you”.

Maybe that is just tiredness talking. I also wrote to echo to check if she is ok but she did not respond and i was a bit worried by that. Sometimes I also feel like something bad is going to come and make my life terrible again and i wount see it coming until it is too late. I am desperately trying to make sence of the world and when I think i almost have it… it goes away and i am left wondering again.

But i want you to know that i am doing better.:slightly_smiling_face: How are you? Are things going well for you? You are such a pillar of this comunity and giving so much support and I want you to know that but it is ok to share with us if you are feeling bad or worried. We are here for you too :wink:.

Edit: My highlight of the day. Hmm…Probably finishing a backstory for my DnD character and putting in on paper.

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